Tuesday Writing Conversation: McKenty’s Two Rule Golf School

March 24, 2015

Welcome to McKenty’s Two Rule Golf School

“Keep it simple, stupid!” Imagine if those four words were applied to the golf swing. It would revolutionize the game.

Since I left my TV show about 12 years ago, I’ve been trying to master the golf swing. Let’s face it, the swing has more rules than a monastery: bend your elbows, incline your knees, flatten your feet, keep your arms straight, lift your ankle, equalize your weight, overlap your fingers and address the ball.

In trying to keep all this straight, the danger is you begin to hallucinate. You wake up in the middle of the night yelling “Fore” and you haven’t even hit the ball.

Is there any way to get a handle on this jumble, any way to “keep it simple, stupid!”. As a matter of fact, I think there is. It came to me the other day at Meadowbrook where I try to play several times a week. Of course all golfers have their own theories about the golf swing. For what it’s worth, here’s mine.

It seems to me you can reduce all these rules and regulations to two. One relates to the head, the other to the feet. First, the head. Keep it down and don’t move it. Simple but not easy. How can I tell if I’ve moved my head during my golf swing? Simple again.

The ball dribbles along the fairway like water dribbling from a garden hose that’s lost its pressure. Whereas, if I keep my head steady the ball arcs gracefully into the air, every single time.

So it’s not your elbows or your wrists or your knees. It’s the head, stupid. And I would argue that if you don’t move your head, you’re halfway to a good golf game. So, do I keep my head still??….


see the rest of the story in Neil McKenty Live! The Lines Are Still Blazing click on cover below for more information.


Tuesday Writing Conversation: Happy St. Patrick’s Day

March 17, 2015

The Skelligs off the coast at Ballinskelligs - an inspiration for John Main's future interest in Christiam meditation. [By Arian Zwegers (Skellig Michael  Uploaded by russavia) [CC BY 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons]

The Skelligs off the coast at Ballinskelligs – the medieval monks who lived on these rocky outcrops were an inspiration for John Main’s future interest in Christian meditation. [By Arian Zwegers (Skellig Michael Uploaded by russavia) [CC BY 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons]

click below to hear some music to  create the right atmosphere, then read on…

Writing can be transformative, both for the reader and the writer. For example, when Neil was approached to write the biography of John Main, he had no idea that he was embarking on a journey that would lead him and Catharine on research trips to Ireland. Not only did they research John Main’s family roots in County Kerry but also started to look at their own Irish roots — coincidentally both Neil and Catharine’s ancestors came from Ireland. From this came much writing inspiration: Neil would write up his family history [see below]; a detective novel, The Other Key, later emerged with Irish influences and scenes; and Catharine would write her first novel— Polly of Bridgewater Farm — about her family’s idyllic roots in rural Dromore, County Tyrone and their traumatic experience of the Great Famine and decision to emigrate over the seas.

So we start with an excerpt from In The Stillness Dancing — the Journey of John Main. Then Neil’s article about his Irish roots. And finally, the last in our ‘St.Pat’s Tuesday Writing Conversation’ trio, Catharine’s Polly of Bridgewater Farm.


1. Beginnings in Ballinskelligs
On a February night in 1960 a Benedictine monk from Ealing Abbey in a suburb of London dropped by the Chelsea flat of an old Trinity College friend. He stayed just long enough to change from his habit into evening dress. Then John Main left for the festivities at Gray’s Inn where he had been called to the Bar, the first English monk so honoured since the Reformation.
Who was this slim, tall young man just turned thirty-four, with his sandy hair and piercing blue eyes who moved so easily from the spiritual world of Ealing to the secular temples of the courts? Why had he left a promising career in the law, a closely-knit family in Ireland and the young woman he loved, to become a Benedictine monk? How was it that John Main became so excited by the prayer life of a Christian writer who lived in the desert in the fourth century and to whom he was led by a Hindu swami?
Why would the prior of an established monastery in London later give it all up to go off and set up shop in an old house in Montreal, Quebec? And how was it so many people, seeking a new dimension in their lives, journeyed to the priory he founded in Montreal, discovered John Main and were forever changed by the discovery? The answer lay in John Main’s own journey.
The journey began at 12 Egerton Gardens, Hendon in London where he was born on 21 January 1926. His father, David Patrick Main, had been born in 1893 in Ballinskelligs, County Kerry, on the southern coast of Ireland where he worked as a ‘cable telegraphist’ for the Western Union Company. His grandfather, also David Patrick, had arrived from Scotland to become superintendent of the first trans-atlantic cable station established near Ballinskelligs in 1866. After he retired from the cable station John Main’s grand¬father helped build a hotel, called Main’s Hotel. For many years, Main was the important name in Ballinskelligs. Besides the hotel the Mains ran a grocery store, a post office, a fleet of boats and chauffeured cars for the tourists. Unhappily for his own fortunes, Main’s Hotel was not left to John’s father but to an older brother.
His mother, Eileen Hurley, born in Moat, County Meath in 1887, was six years older than her future husband, David Main. It was through his mother that he acquired a famous ancestor, the Irish nationalist, author and journalist, Charles J. Kickham, born in 1828. A description of Kickham fits his descendant: ‘keen, piercing eyes, which had a strange power of reading one’s very thought. . . .’ In his most popular novel, Knocknagow, written a year before his death in 1882, Charles Kickham wrote: ‘Glory to God in the highest and on earth enthusiasm.’ It was an epitaph that described the lives of Eileen Hurley and her son.
After her education in Moat, Eileen went to Belgium for finishing school and later became a nurse. It was as a nurse that she, then 32, first met her future husband. In 1919 David Main, aged 26, was in bed with influenza. Eileen had gone to Ballinskelligs to help in the influenza epidemic. She was small, blondish, pretty and refined. Almost immediately David Main fell in love with his new nurse. But there was a problem. Eileen Hurley was engaged to another man. David said that would not make any difference. And it did not. David simply told Eileen to break her engagement. He even suggested that she do this at the Metropole Hotel in Cork and he went along to make certain there were no slip-ups. There were none.

Then David took his bride-to-be to Roach’s jewellery store to purchase an engagement ring. ‘Mickey’ Roach was astonished to see Eileen accept a second ring from another man. But David Main was never one to waste time. He and Eileen Hurley, the future parents of six children, were married at St Peter and St Paul’s Church in the city of Cork on 7 February 1920. After their marriage David and Eileen spent only a short time in Ballinskelligs where, as the mountains of Kerry slope into the sea, the Skelligs Rocks rise off the shore, the site of one of the most spectacular and ancient monastic communities in Europe, a community that would exert an influence on John Main’s life. Then, in the early 1920s after the birth of their first daughter Kitty, on 10 November 1920, Western Union transferred David Main from Ballinskelligs to London.
During their first three years in London, David and Eileen had two more children, Ian in 1922 and Yvonne in 1924. Then came Douglas, with a quick and easy birth, on 21 January 1926. Ten days later he was baptized Douglas William Victor at Our Lady of Sorrows, Egerton Gardens, Hendon, the Main’s parish church. William and Victor were after his two uncles, his father’s brothers. But where did ‘Douglas’ come from? Apparently his Aunt Ethel, his father’s sister, was reading a book whose protagonist was called ‘Douglas’. When the baby was born earlier than expected Aunt Ethel cast about for a third name. So Douglas William Victor it was (the name John only when he became a monk). After Douglas in 1926, came two more children, Diane two years later and Allan Patrick in 1929.
A new city, another position with Western Union and six children in the space of nine years meant a bustling Main household. David Main was a strong disciplinarian with an explosive temper that sometimes frightened his children. He was a man’s man with an eye for pretty women. He would waltz into the Main’s post office at Ballinskelligs, singing ‘Home Sweet Home’ at the top of his fine musical voice, and kiss the first good-looking young woman he saw. Then he would go home and tell Eileen all about it.
David Main was a man whom most men liked and most women found attractive. He played tennis, golf and billiards and, despite a slight limp, he was usually dressed to the nines and cut a dapper figure about London, Belfast, and later Dublin. He never allowed the mundane to interfere with his polished appearance. If Eileen wanted a pound of sausages, David had them carefully wrapped, not in a greasy brown bag, but inside his gleaming brief-case. When he travelled he sold Irish sweep tickets on the side. His family was never in want but money was sometimes scarce. Despite the fact he was in some ways unpredictable and quick-tempered, David Main loved his family. They loved him and they shared fun together. Every summer there was a family holiday. Once David hired a man and his lorry to transport the Main family, all eight of them, around Sussex. This time the lorry was parked near a travelling circus. Perhaps intrigued by the Main menagerie, a giraffe stuck its head into the back of the lorry. Whereupon David Main instructed the lorry driver to avoid the police at all costs lest the whole kit and caboodle be charged with running an over-loaded and illegal transport service.
David Main was a born actor. Once his constituency Member of Parliament was making a speech filled with the usual political clichés. At the end of the speech, David Main jumped up and demanded a ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ answer to a very convoluted question. The puzzled parliamentarian confessed, ‘I’m afraid I don’t understand the question.’ Whereupon Main stood up again to accuse the poor man of stonewalling. The crowd burst into laughter and cheers. David Main had turned a dull evening into an exciting event. It was a lesson Douglas learned well: to make an adventure from the humdrum. On another occasion in his own drawing room in London, David interrupted a discussion on George Bernard Shaw, about whom he knew little, with the remark, ‘Ah yes, Shaw. Of course, he was quite an unknown quantity, you know.’ The guests, some of whom knew a lot about Shaw, were stunned. But Douglas who was present saw the moral of the story at once. Lack of knowledge was not fatal. Self-confidence was the thing. Later Douglas, who once described his father as ‘a wild Irishman with a mop of black curly hair’, would often use self-confidence and braggadocio to highlight a humorous situation.
There’s no doubt David Main had self-confidence to burn. He burned it selling sweepstake tickets (typically he gave that up once they were legalized), he burned it at the race-track and he burned it in shaky business transactions. As a respite from these and the constrictions of raising a large family on modest resources, David Main liked nothing better than to get back to Ballinskelligs (a liking not shared by his wife) and chew over the local news in Gaelic with his buddies in Kerry. The stories and the Irish whiskey were a potent brew for the ‘schanachies’ (Irish story-tellers) as they spun their tales around the bar of Main’s Hotel in Ballinskelligs. In another emanation David Main would have made a splendid character actor (as indeed would his son, Douglas). As a family man, however, David, in some ways, was ‘a street angel and a house divil’.
Whatever the hullabaloo, Eileen Hurley Main never seemed to lose her composure. She was quiet, gentle and very Irish. She shared with her husband a strong Catholic faith. In religious practice, however, Eileen never insisted on the letter of the law, for example, not eating meat on Friday if the meat would then go bad. Eileen said God was more concerned with the waste than he was with the rule. She worried about people down on their luck. She called them ‘waifs and strays’ and more often than not (usually after a telephone call from the local parish priest) Eileen would invite a ‘waif’ or a ‘stray’ in for a meal, maybe to stay the night or longer.
There was the time the wife of an official of the famous Raffle’s Hotel in Singapore showed up on her door step in London. Eileen knew the woman had a drinking problem. She invited her in, gave her a good meal, then ensconced her in the master Main bedroom for the night. Sometime after midnight David Main arrived home unexpectedly. Naturally thinking he would find his wife in bed he bustled into the master-bedroom, threw back the covers and discovered instead the wife of an official of Raffle’s Hotel. ‘My God, woman, what are you doing?’ he shrieked. Eileen merely laughed. ‘When you have a guest in the house,’ she said, ‘you give the guest nothing but the best.’ It was a custom Douglas never forgot.
David Main usually knew better than to argue with his wife. Later Douglas would call his mother ‘the gentle persuader’. She normally got her way without losing her temper. She was easy-going, more reticent than the Mains, sometimes living in a kind of dream world. When one of her children said, ‘I’d like to dye my hair,’ Eileen did not say ‘No!!’ She asked, ‘What colour?’ When the children played hide-and-seek it didn’t fuss her to find one in her laundry hamper. She just put the lid back down. Sunday night was family night at the Main household, not just for the Mains but for half the families in the neighbourhood. David Main had a fine singing voice. He wanted everybody to sing. What’s more he ordered them to. There were games. People wrote down a subject for a one-minute speech. Then the topics were drawn from a hat. Douglas’ older brother, Ian, was outraged when he drew the topic suggested by Douglas, ‘Early Byzantine Architecture’. Even at this time, aged seven or eight, no one was quite certain how seriously to take Douglas. Throughout his life, Douglas had fun with exaggeration and hyperbole. His sisters and surviving brother still remember, aghast, ‘the lies he used to tell’.
There was a mischievous side to Douglas. Once he and a group of his friends visited a local cemetery. Douglas noticed that some graves had flowers, others did not. He suggested they redistribute all the flowers. They did. Playing ‘doctors and nurses’ with his older sister, Yvonne, about to have her leg ‘amputated’, Douglas would say, ‘Don’t worry, Madame, this knife is quite blunt.’ Sometimes Douglas would entertain guests while his mother made tea. Once he startled a north London matron by asking, ‘What do you think of the Abyssi¬nian question?’ From his parents’ marriage, not romantic, volatile at times, but built on a solid bond between two complementary personalities, Douglas first experienced the warmth of human love.
But even in these early years there was another side to Douglas: quiet, shy, introspective and religious. From his father, accurate and pragmatic, Douglas acquired his precision. From his mother, spiritual, more of a dreamer, Douglas gained his insight into religious values and his imaginative flair. From the beginning there was a strong bond between Douglas and Eileen. She had immense influence on his spiritual pilgrimage. He was proud of his mother. Much later he would join clubs in various cities. One of the reasons was so that he could take Eileen dining in style.
Others noticed this close bond between Douglas and Eileen and also his quiet, reflective side. An older relative described Douglas at seven or eight:
He was, I thought, a very quiet and serious little lad but he always seemed to be making a study of people. Maybe this is why he was such a good mimic. . . . Maybe his appearance as a serious child was all part of the act. . . . Douglas was always a popular child and very much so with adults. This again, I think, is because he made a great study of all.
There was also a steady religious influence in the Main home. Naturally, in a Roman Catholic family then, there was regular Mass on Sunday and prayers in the evening. The Main children, like children in many Christian homes, played ‘religious’ games. Douglas and his brother, Ian, often played a game called ‘Bishops’. Although Ian was older, invariably Douglas was the bishop and Ian his assistant. Somewhat indecorously, the altar bell was sounded on a chamber pot. Douglas used to dress up as a priest with a dash of red to denote ecclesiastical rank. He made an ‘altar’ in his bedroom and his sisters were dragooned into ‘serving Mass’.
Many years later a boyhood friend saw these early religious ‘games’ as the real beginning of Douglas Main’s spiritual journey:
When he eventually made the break and went to Canada to concentrate on his meditative studies, one or two people said to me rather unkindly: ‘Typical Douglas—I always knew he would start a new religion.’ To me it was only the logical outcome of that facet of his character and forming inner self that I had seen so vividly in childhood. . . . Early in his life I was privileged to see on an intimate basis what was later to develop so strongly. He never really changed. From his childhood his later life was inevitable.

End of Chapter One.

In The Stillness Dancing — the Journey of John Main information page.


 How the Sheas (and Neil) arrived in Canada

Written by Neil – originally published in Nuacht September 2006

You might think the name Coolcappa describes one of those iced coffee drinks we enjoyed during the summer. In fact it is a small village on the border of Limerick from where my Irish ancestors, the Sheas, set out for the New World in June 1825. (Coolcappa comes from the Irish Cuil Cheapach meaning “corner of the village plots.”) This spring, my wife, Catharine, and I spent a morning there mucking around the parish graveyard in the warm rain, looking for names on the weathered gravestones that might give us a clue about who was left behind. We also chatted with the lovely woman who keeps the grocery store-post office as clean as a whistle and filled with laughter from her wonderful Irish stories.

Coolcappa graveyard.

Coolcappa graveyard.

Of course the Sheas (also called the O’Sheas) are one of those storied Irish families that came from a long lineage working its way back through hill and dale, war and peace to the early bogs and mists of ancient Ireland. Here we catch up with them early in the nineteenth-century when the Sheas had long been farmers in County Limerick. Unfortunately, the economic situation in the early eighteen-twenties was grim. In 1821 the potato crop failed, causing great distress among the lower classes who subsisted mainly on a diet of potatoes and buttermilk.

To deal with this situation the British government decided to underwrite the costs of sending carefully selected families from the south of Ireland to Upper Canada, giving them free land (70 acres) and supplying them with tools and a year’s supply of rations. At one stroke this policy would reduce suffering in Ireland and provide more men for the militia in Upper Canada, still nervous after the war of 1812.

To get this scheme off the ground, the British government contacted the Attorney General of Upper Canada, Sir John Robinson, who turned to his elder brother, the Hon. Peter Robinson, at that time the Member of Parliament for York. Quickly, Peter Robinson travelled to Ireland and began lining up volunteers to leave for the New World. Although only a limited number could be accommodated, many thousands applied, sick of their poverty and lack of prospects at home. And this despite the fact Robinson was peppered with questions concerning the presence of bears, wolves and marauding Indians.

By the summer of 1823, the first group of emigrants sailed from Cork, arriving in Quebec City after a voyage of eight weeks. These settlers then travelled to the Bathurst District, made up of the present day counties of Lanark, Renfrew and Carleton. Many of them settled in Ramsay Township close to the modern towns of Almonte and Carleton Place. The second phase of Peter Robinson’s emigration plan began two years later, in the spring and summer of 1825. It was this group (2,024) that included my ancestors, the Sheas, who were booked on the good ship John Barry with a total passenger list of 253.

Along with Michael 16 (my great-grandfather) there were eight other Sheas in the family. These included Michael’s parents, Thomas (born in Coolcappa 1781) his wife, Bridget (1786), and his siblings Jeremiah (1806), Michael (1808), John (1810), Mary (1813), Thomas (1815), Johanna (1819) and baby Dennis, who was just two years old when the ship salied at the end of May at 10 a.m., the “morning fine and almost calm.”

Each ship in the flotilla (there were nine others beside the John Barry) included a ship’s surgeon, ours being Mr. William Burnie, a Scot, who had graduated from the University of Edinburgh medical school seven years earlier. Almost as important as the medical care he dispensed was the fact that Mr. Burnie kept a diary which gives a vivid account of life on the John Barry.

The voyage was not an easy one. Soon after boarding, the passengers began to experience two discomforts that were to plague them throughout, seasickness and inadequate sanitary facilities. Mr. Burnie wrote: “Two days at sea all the men were up and they sprinkled and scraped the decks. Women generally sick. Up all the beds and every person off the berths deck. Had the decks swept and the under berths cleaned. Washed clothes.” That evening at seven there was a welcome diversion, “music and dancing.”

On Monday morning “Timothy Callaghan was detected taking another man’s flour cake, and punished after being found guilty by twelve of his peers by cleaning the water closet for two days.” Many days the seas were rough and the passengers bilious. “Strong gales with thick fog. At times heavy rain. Heavy sea from S.W. … many sickly. Mrs. Slattery, Callaghan, Groves seasickness. Tim Reagan fever. Sullivan constipation … lime juice to those who wish it.”

Sometimes the nausea boiled over into a quarrel. “A violent fight with much scurrilous gab between Mrs. Owens and Mrs. Blackwell. The former is a noisy, quarrelsome woman, Blackwell little better. Well matched at tongues.” There were several miscarriages: “Another abortion – Dennis Mahoney jaundice, Pat Regan fever, Mrs. Condon bowels … Mrs. Grave and Baragy seasick.”

Mr. Burnie quickly established a routine whereby the men scrubbed the decks and “All woman washed clothes and hung them on the proper lines.” Meals soon became a problem because some items were foreign to the settlers (like the Sheas) “ who threw the cheese and plum cake over board or complained they were being poisoned. Cocoa was provided for the men, who rejected it. They preferred tea, which was only doled out to the women.” Several of the men (Michael Shea perhaps) disguised themselves in female clothing in order to get tea for themselves when rations were given out.

Tea was not the only problem. So, apparently, was the cook. On June 8, Mr. Burnie wrote in his journal: “at 1 p.m. Dinner people wrangling with the cook. They say he boils their provisions too much for the sake of the liquid. He denies it, but says they put it in so irregularly that some of it will be overdone. He threatens giving up the cooking. I settled the dispute by allowing everyone to take out his meat when he likes.”

Indeed, with no refrigeration, the diet was barely tolerated and sickness was endemic. As the weather worsened, the male passengers were obliged to take their turn at pumping out the ship several times a day. A number of passengers developed fever. Sanitary conditions were also deteriorating. The latrines were so inadequate that people took to creeping up on deck to relieve themselves at night. The weather worsened. On June 12, the surgeon writes: “Heavy gales and thick with rain. People between decks, some praying, some crying out murder, some swearing. A few believe the sailors to be getting out boats and leaving them.”

After making Newfoundland on June 19, the surgeon made a list of the ill including “Mrs. Regan who brought forth a daughter in the 7th month” and, ominously, “the baby Dennis Shea.” On June 27, the surgeon listed his patients as “10 sick, 2 very ill (Dennis being one) … People dined on deck. Weather fine and clear.” It was not fine for “baby Dennis.” His parents and eight siblings surrounded his cot, telling their beads long into the night. It was less than ten days from the sight of Quebec when Surgeon Burnie wrote in his journal: “Midnight departed this life Dennis Shea, aged 17 months 9 days.” Little did his grieving mother, Bridget, know that within a few weeks she would lose another member of her family.

Two days later the John Barry struck a sand bar, began to take on heavy water, many of the passengers panicked and some of the crew threatened mutiny before the officers managed to put things right. On July 7, six weeks after it left Cork harbour, the John Barry docked in Quebec and was boarded by the Harbour Master.

The next day Tom and Bridget Shea and their brood, along with the other passengers boarded the Steam Packet, Swiftsure, for the trip to Montreal. The ship sailed at eight in the morning the temperature being 88 degrees. The next day the emigrants from one of the other ships arrived in eight bateaux. “I consider his people more unruly than mine,” Mr. Burnie wrote with satisfaction. Beyond Three Rivers they “reached The Cedars where we buried the [Mahoney] child in the church yard. Indians very troublesome, wanting money for drink.  Others tossing the luggage about and squabbling with the people.”

That was the surgeon’s last entry. The Sheas and the rest then made their way overland to Lachine where the bateaux were waiting to transport them to Prescott and on to Kingston.

Meanwhile Peter Robinson himself had gone to the Newcastle District (later renamed Peterborough after himself but then known as Scotts Plains) to reconnoitre a travel route before returning to Prescott to pick up his charges. “On the eleventh of August, I embarked 500 on board a Steamboat and landed them the next day at Cobourg, a distance of one hundred miles; the remainder of the settlers were brought up the same way, the boat making a trip each week.”

The route from Cobourg to Rice Lake (and then on to Scotts Plains at the head of the Otonabee river) was a thick wasteland of rocks and trees, an almost impenetrable forest. We can only try to imagine how Thomas and Bridget Shea and their six children would view this forbidding wilderness, most of it unknown except to native people. I find it hard to imagine myself although it is in this very area that I and many other descendants of Thomas and Bridget grew up. We went to Cobourg for school picnics, swam in Rice Lake and at least once a year excitedly looked forward to seeing the races at the Peterborough Exhibition.

Meanwhile, as he recounted, the resourceful Peter Robinson had “two scows” made, which were “transported on wheels from Lake Ontario to the Rice Lake.” No wonder Robinson found it difficult to recruit the manpower necessary to trundle these scows, each 56 feet long, on wheels over twelve miles of makeshift road laboriously cut out of the wilderness.

At last after much huffing and puffing, everyone arrived at Scott’s Plains, now downtown Peterborough. Lots were chosen and it is my understanding that Tom and Bridget and their children settled some miles from Peterborough in Asphodel township on what later was called the Shea line running between Norwood and Hastings on the Trent River, a road that Catharine and I discovered again on a sunny August day this summer.

Sadly, in 1826, not long after they arrived in Asphodel, another tragedy struck the family. Bridget, who had lost her baby, Dennis, almost within sight of Quebec City a few months before, now lost her husband Tom who was drowned in Rice Lake at the young age of 45, leaving her a widow, aged 40, with six children.

Fortunately, Bridget’s eldest don “Darby” (Jeremiah) was old enough to qualify for land. Bridget, now listed by the authorities as the “Widow Shea” received one cow, two blankets, three axes, meat, flour and other necessities. At the time of his father’s death, Michael, my great-grandfather was 17. He would have worked with his brothers clearing the forest and caring for his mother. About 10 years later, he married Ann Myles, 20, from Cork, the daughter of Thomas Myles and Honorah Connell. Not quite two years later their first child, Catherine, was born. Michael and Ann went on to have ten more children including William born in 1850 and Jeremiah in 1856.

William Shea was my grandfather. He grew up on a farm in Asphodel Township not far from where I later lived in the village of Hastings. He was a spare man over six feet tall with a trim white moustache who for many years had been a motorman on the street cars in Peterborough before returning to Asphodel to take up farming in earnest, living in one of those impressive solid red brick houses just outside Norwood at the western end of the Shea line. He had married Bridget McCarthy, born in 1856, and they had two children, my mother, Irene and her sister, Geraldine.

My grandfather, who spent many happy hours fishing for pickerel in the Trent River, died at the age of 89 in Hastings just as war was breaking out in 1939. His father, Michael, died at the age of 83 in Asphodel in 1891. It was just over 60 years since he had left Coolcappa to board the John Barry at the city of Cork for the wilds of Asphodel.

Originally published in Nuacht September 2006


Polly of Bridgewater Farm

Chapter One


Dublin, 1835

A wet and windy day early in November.

Edgar Plimsoll, civil servant, sat fuming in his office at the back of Mountjoy House, headquarters of the famed Ordnance Survey at Phoenix Park. He was struggling manfully to find something at the bottom of an enormous pile of maps, drawings and reports on the desk in front of him.

“Willy!” he bellowed. “Willy, where the devil is that report on Dromore? It was due days ago. Heads will roll if we don’t get this mess off our hands soon.”

“I did Dromore like you said,” muttered Willoughby, a lanky youth of indefinite age, who detested his nickname. “It’s in here somewhere.” He pulled at a corner of the pile and the whole heap slid gracefully and inexorably to the floor.

“There are two Dromores, you idiot,” snapped Plimsoll, as he struggled to disentangle the heap, “and the one you can hardly find on the map is missing. Without it, we can’t hand in Tyrone. Why we bother I sometimes wonder. This whole ordnance survey has gotten out of hand if you ask me.” No one had in fact asked his opinion, but that never stopped Edgar. He actually liked this brightest of his new recruits, foresaw a fine career ahead of him, but he was stubborn, needed a good push now and then, like all the Welsh.

“You’d better get to it. Take the mail coach tonight to Omagh. Stop at the Royal Arms Hotel. They say it’s one of the best in the county. Orr, the owner, will give you a good horse there. And look sharp. The Duke of Wellington is expecting results for all this money Treasury is spending. Though why he thinks anyone can organize the Irish is beyond me, and himself an Irishman.”

Willy left in a huff. His grandfather was Irish and he was tired of hearing these constant caricatures. By the time he arrived at Gosson’s Hotel in Bolton Street, there were no inside seats left. Thus at 7:30 that night, he found himself perched precariously on top of the lurching coach, as the horses galloped down the darkening roads. He remembered all the lurid tales of highwaymen he had heard from colleagues, especially John O’Donovan, their place name and Irish language expert. One time O’Donovan had taken the night coach from Londonderry to Omagh. It set off with eighteen passengers clinging for dear life outside, and ten passengers crammed inside, himself clutching his umbrella as a shelter from the driving rain and wind, his feet almost frozen from the cold. As if this wasn’t enough, didn’t the coach overturn in the mud just past Strabane.

“When in doubt, walk, my boy,” advised O’Donovan. He himself had done just that, only to discover next morning that the coach for Dublin had departed without him. And to add insult to injury his superior, Larcom, had warned him solemnly to omit all ‘ribaldry’ in his survey reports. To which he is said to have agreed to make all his future communications “very serious, cold and

Hours later, Willy arrived in Omagh, sleepless, soaked to the skin, and with a cold well on its way. If only he could have stayed put for a day or two at the comfortable inn where a hot meal was set down before him.

The next morning a stable lad provided Willy with “one of his best horses.” No sign of Mr. Orr, the owner, who was “away on business.” It was still pouring rain when master and beast, both equally disgruntled, plodded along the muddy road in the direction of Dromore. Halfway there the horse stumbled and threw a shoe, in sheer spite, Willy declared later.

Willoughby George Hemans arrives at his destination.

A bedraggled figure stood hesitantly at the open door of Dromore’s forge. He was warmly welcomed by the group of men near the blazing fire, who of course wanted to know every detail of his errand, and as much of his life history as he would reveal. He had suddenly become a more interesting person than he had ever thought himself to be. In turn, he was more than a little surprised to discover that even the poorest labourer in this group had a vocabulary at least three times as large as his English counterpart, drawn from his Irish roots.

Remembering his duties, he queried the smith on how many houses there might be in the village. Thomas O’Neill, a giant of a man, roared with laughter. “I’ve never counted but I can tell you there are nineteen spirits dealers, and Cassidy’s is the best of them. For the rest you’ll find two grocers, two bakers if you’ll be needing a loaf of bread, one butcher, three cobblers, and if you want a place to stay, there’s McCann’s hotel, for what it’s worth. If you’re needing a fresh horse, as by the looks of it you do, there’s not a single one for hire here, but George Noble’s yer man, up on the coach road to Enniskillen.”

And so it was that Willy Hemans found himself on the doorstep of the Noble’s house on a hill just off what is now called Bridge Road. Jane Noble, a sturdy young woman of medium height, perhaps three years older than himself, stood in the doorway.
She took one look at him. Before he could protest, he found himself supplied with dry clothes, albeit a size too small, a hot meal and
a bed for the night.

The next morning, Will, for so he was now called, accompanied his host to the barn to find a suitable mount. Five years older than himself and half a head shorter, George Noble strode ahead so fast, talking rapidly all the while, that Will arrived nearly breathless at the barn, where several pairs of brown eyes stared curiously at him.

Indeed he had come to the right place. He couldn’t believe his luck. These horses, he soon discovered, were a cross between the sturdy local mares and the same Irish thoroughbreds that both the Duke of Wellington and Napoleon had ridden at the Battle of Waterloo. George’s grandfather had acquired one at the end of the war when they were going cheap at the famous Moy horse fair.

George and Jane wouldn’t hear of Will going to stay at McCann’s. That night around the fire Will discovered that his host’s forebears had almost been born on horseback; reivers (or cattle rustlers if you like) living by their wits on the borderland between England and Scotland. They had been shipped out lock, stock and barrel by James VI of Scotland when he became James I of England. He was glad to get rid of the lot of them, and they, in turn, had as little love for the law and authorities as did their new Irish neighbours. The Nobles on the whole were Presbyterians, but George’s father John had loaned three horses to John Wesley, the Methodist preacher, when he came through Trillick and Drumquin.

Every morning Will rose early and rode out to measure the height of hills, the length of rivers and the dimensions of any building that could possibly be of interest. In the evenings, neighbours dropped by after milking time, full of stories and information that unfortunately never made it into his report. He was just twenty-one. This was only his second field assignment and he was still a little in awe of the polished British officers who were in charge at Mountjoy House.

After all, who would ever read these reports? Likely these memoirs that had so excited Colby’s successor, the debonair young Lieutenant Larcom (now Superintendent in charge of the whole Mountjoy Ordnance Survey Project), would moulder on some back shelf.

And so Willoughby George Hemans relaxed in the warmth of the Nobles’ home and mentally consigned his assignment to oblivion. His real dream was to become a famous engineer on one of the new railroads. Railway fever would soon be sweeping Ireland. Every town in Ireland would want to be on a line. And he was in the right place at the right time to be part of the excitement.

Will explores Dromore.

One neighbour who was intrigued by Will’s dream and came by often on these November evenings was Joseph Fleming, a master stonemason, who lived with his son, William, on the farm on the opposite side of the coach road.

While George and William talked horses, Will discovered that Joseph had worked on the new portico of the great courthouse in Omagh that Will had seen through the rain. Will was soon describing the magnificent Roman arches he had admired when he had reluctantly spent two years with his father in Italy. Resentment against his father, a retired sea captain, who had deserted his mother and five small sons under the age of six, (himself the eldest), had given Will a burning desire to succeed.

Joseph had some time on his hands now that the harvest was in, and so he went with Will to have a good look at the four-arched bridge over the widest part of the Owenreagh River at Shaneragh. Just below Dromore itself, they stopped at another bridge with a history.

In the old days, the cottage weavers from Drumquin forded a mountain stream at that spot to bring their famed linen yarn, tweeds and flax to the Dromore Fair. The Alexander family, who had settled the place a long time before, had recently encouraged their tenants to build a bridge at the ford. The tenants worked long and hard, believing the promise they had been given that no toll would ever be exacted for that bridge. On the first Fair Day of the next New Year, imagine the surprise of the villagers who found themselves face to face with a tollkeeper!

By ten o’clock that morning, a colourful parade of tenants and weavers had formed with marching bands and were headed down the road toward the now inaccessible Owenreagh Bridge.

In the meantime, landlord Alexander had called in a troop of horse soldiers and the local yeomanry. At noon, armed only with blackthorn sticks, and cheering wildly, the people drove the police and cavalry steadily back through the streets of the village.

Unfortunately, property was damaged and a policeman killed by a stray stone. Three men, Barrett, Gallagher and Hannigan, were transported to Van Dieman’s Land in Australia and many others were forced to flee to safety. But the day the cavalry had to back off lived on in local legend.

The next morning Will went dutifully back to the more boring part of his task, counting houses; twenty-nine of one-storey,
sixty-eight of two-storeys, and five of three-storeys, mostly built of stone, he noted down. Joseph broke in, “And there was the house in which a man named Kelly was murdered by Lieutenant Hamilton on a Fair Day just fourteen years ago when he shot into a crowd of innocent people.” This certainly didn’t fit under the headings Will was supposed to fill out, so he continued, twenty-seven slated roofs and the remainder thatched.

“Those roofs nearly all went up in flames when the notorious Lord Blayney and his dragoons came through here in search of rebels some years back,” Joseph informed him. “The whole town might have gone up in flames if it hadn’t been for our curate, Benjamin Marshall. He’s the mildest mannered man you’d ever want to meet, but he stopped Blayney in his tracks with the help of a Captain and a Lieutenant who were horrified at his Lordship’s actions.”

“That same curate rushed into a burning house on that corner right over there to rescue a baby from its cradle where its terrified parents had left it. And now the daughter of that curate is married to one of the richest young men in Australia, one of the Osbornes.”

As they continued down Main Street, Joseph told him who lived in each house: the Sproules, O’Briens, McCoys, Scotts, McCuskers, Fenlons, McMahons, Humphreys, McLoughlins, McAleers, and the Anthony family. Then there were the McGraths, James Gilmore the carpenter, James Slevin, one of the schoolmasters family of Slevins, Catherine and Denis Teague, Thomas Corry, Margaret Cunningham, Thomas Gallagher, and Breege McIlholm.

When they turned onto Church Street, John Scott, the tailor, teased Joseph Fleming about having a new suit made. “I’d never afford that, John,” was the reply.

“Don’t blame it on me if that waistcoat falls off you all by itself one of these days,” John retorted. Indeed the britches Joseph habitually wore had turned almost grey from the lime dust embedded in the corduroy.

By the end of the day, Will had met nearly everybody in Dromore. They spent a little while in Cassidy’s. Though Joseph did not drink alcohol, he sat comfortably swapping stories with the other men while Will listened. If the story was especially poignant, about two brothers who had killed each other over a woman, it was met with a Greek chorus of “oh, the pity of it,” or “sad, indeed that was,” encouraging the storyteller to continue with another one.

Will regretfully returned to the mundane task at hand. Under the heading ’Communication’, he noted with some feeling: It is notorious in the parish that half the number of roads actually contained in it would be more serviceable if kept in good repair than all the wretched lines which now intersect it in all directions.

Indeed, he noted: There has been little improvement in the parish of any kind for many years, because of the absence of proprietors and of the rector of the parish who had not lived in it for forty years back until three years ago when the present incumbent arrived.

And twenty-one-year-old Will couldn’t resist adding a cheeky comment of his own to amuse his superiors: It is a singular fact that almost all the parishioners belonging to the Church of England are at heart mere Methodists, and though they appear at church in the morning, they never fail to season the information they derive there with a little Methodist rant in the evenings. Never mind that his friend, Joseph, was a Methodist.

The Old Church on the Brae

Early the next morning, the two men climbed up to the Old Church on the Brae. Will admired the mullioned transept window. Joseph had patched some of the cracks around it, but more cracks were appearing, and the roof was obviously beyond repair. There was talk of a new church, but the rector was occupied with the fine new glebe house he was building for his large family. And on July 12th of that year he had tactlessly placed a large Orange flag on the church roof, and another one over the entrance to the graveyard where Catholics and Protestants lay side by side.

Joseph showed the younger man the grave of his own grandfather. Thomas Fleming, born 1713, died aged 94 in 1807, son of John Fleming of Mulnagoe, so the inscription read.

Will sensed the attachment this man had to this place and the people who had gone before him. He thought with regret of his own father, now living in grand style in Italy. He and his brothers had been obliged to go with their mother to live with their grandmother in the tiny Welsh hill village of St. Asaph, gateway to the picturesque vale of Clwyd, with the smallest ancient cathedral in the whole of Britain. All these years his mother had supported them with her poetry. How he wished he had had a father like Joseph.

His thoughts were interrupted by an apologetic cough. A man of middling height had entered the graveyard with another, who carried a large shovel over his shoulder. “Our curate, Mr. Marshall, who saved Dromore, and our friend to the end, Mr. Walsh.” The gravedigger touched his cap then moved to his task.

Will murmured appropriate phrases but the sight of a new pit being dug opened up a raw wound. Only last May, he had watched his beloved mother being lowered into her own grave. Felicia Browne Hemans, age 41, the inscription read. She had died of tuberculosis in her tiny house on the edge of St. Stephen’s Green. He had found her there. The only relative at the graveyard had been his uncle, now Chief Constable of Dublin’s Metropolitan Constabulary. Felicia had come to Dublin to be near him.

Every schoolboy in the Empire probably knew her most famous poem by heart – at least the first two lines of it:

The boy stood on the burning deck,

Whence all but he had fled.

He wanted those lines carved on her tombstone, but had been dissuaded by his uncle. Would anyone remember them ten, twenty years from now?

His mother had been a friend of the poet Wordsworth, had stayed with him and his sister, Dorothy, at Dove Cottage in England’s Lake District. The great poet had praised her poetry, and her gentle spirit. She had won the hearts of a generation of Victorians who perhaps saw in her writing a reflection of their best selves. She had raised five sons, all the while a semi-invalid. Would even her name be remembered one hundred years hence?

Will looked around at the other graves, some unmarked, some with headstones leaning a little crazily to one side. Near the entrance a few were enclosed by a fine wrought iron railing, engraved with the name Noble. “Some of George’s wealthier relatives, I believe, those who own their own land, unlike the rest of us,” Joseph explained, with no trace of regret. Will thought of Jane, the young Jane Noble, who reminded him a little of his mother, with her dark hair, and of his new friends, George and Joseph. How strange, he thought, that the lives of these people I have just met should become so interwoven with mine, as though each of our stories is part of some greater whole, unfolding all the while. Curious that in this isolated village he should no longer feel so alone. A few days ago it was just a dot on a map.

It was peaceful, here on the Brae. Across the road, a few cows grazed placidly against the slope of the hill. One raised its head, stared at him, then bawled companionably. He almost laughed out loud, remembering his mother’s favourite poem. He repeated the words slowly,

The curfew tolls the knell of parting day,
The lowing herd winds slowly o’er the lea,
The plowman homewards plods his weary way,

“Do you know it, Joseph?” he asked hopefully.

The older man nodded, “We learned it in school.

Now fades the glimmering landscape on the sight,
And all the air a solemn stillness holds,
Save where the beetle wheels his drowsy flight,”…

A cough tinged with merriment broke in on them. “I don’t see a beetle anywhere, do you?” said the voice of the curate at his side. “Ah, but our Thomas Gray got it right, Elegy Written in a Country Churchyard and here we are.

Perhaps in this neglected spot is laid

Some heart once pregnant with celestial fire;

Some mute inglorious Milton here may rest,

Some Cromwell, guiltless of his country’s blood.”

“And ours too,” he muttered. “Would that it were true.” And with that curate and gravedigger accompanied Will and Joseph back down the hill to the village.

On their arrival they heard a great commotion. People were running out of the shops toward one of the houses on Main Street. Two of the village’s constables were striding purposefully in the same direction, soon to disappear though a front door now thrown wide open. Joseph followed. He knew the house well; his son, William, had often been a guest there. Its owner was Dr. W. who had been a surgeon on a man-of-war naval vessel for many years. William had enjoyed the man’s stories. They were well told, enlivened by the fine classical education Dr. W. had gained in his early days at Trinity College. Recently, without explanation, William Fleming had ended the visits.

Before Joseph could find out what had happened, Dr. W. was led away in a straitjacket, half-supported by one of the burly constables. Joseph went into the house and found James Dill already there. This young Presbyterian minister had just arrived that August from Donegal, and already knew most of the people in the village.

Little by little Joseph learned the whole sorry story. The visits of the doctor to the local pub had become more frequent. “Yesterday morning the doctor’s sister-in-law, a young girl, came across the street to my lodgings to request me to go over to see the doctor, who she said was very ill,” Dill told him. “I found him in bed and apparently little the matter with him, except a tremor in his hand and a slight twitch of the lip. On my remarking, “You are not very ill,” he replied, “You don’t know what is the matter with me – it is the first stage of delirium tremens. I have had it three times before, and now while my reason remains, I want to prepare for the worst.”

“I was absolutely astounded,” young Dill told Joseph. “I read and prayed with him, pointed him to the Lamb of God who ‘came into the world to save sinners, even the worst, whose blood cleanseth from all sin,’ and besought him to flee to this only refuge of the sinner. I saw him again several times during the day; every time there was a change for the worse.

“Early this morning I was sent for in great haste. I ran across and there I beheld a sight I shall never forget – Dr. W. stood in his nightdress at his own bedroom door with a drawn dagger in his hand; his wife and sister-in-law had fled and he was pursuing them. I prevailed upon him to give me the dagger and to go into his bed, but every minute he started up, and with the most frightful gestures exclaimed, ‘There they are, don’t you see them!’ The surgeon was able to shave his head, but he became so violent soon after that the constables had to put him in a straitjacket, as you have seen, and I fear we will not cast our eyes upon him again except in death.”

Joseph was more than usually silent as they rode homeward. Will was interested to learn more about the young preacher who had faced down an armed man. Later Dill would give a rousing speech on temperance to a cheering crowd of three thousand people in the new Catholic chapel, standing side by side with Fr. Theobald Matthew, the apostle of temperance from Cork. Before he went to bed Will added a self-righteous note to his report: It may be noticed under the head, ‘Habits of the People,’ that there is a quantity of whisky drunk in this small place quite disproportionate to the number of the inhabitants, as the above table containing nineteen spirit shops out of forty-four tradesmen’s houses will testify.

The next evening, knowing Will would soon be leaving, the Nobles invited some of the neighbours. Will still had many questions and now threw one of them out. “Why is there so little new building in the village itself? Why are some of the houses in such disrepair?” The answer came with unexpected heat from William Fleming who had sat silent on two previous evenings. “I was just eight years old when two bad harvests in a row hit our part of the country, 1816 and 1817 that was. Some of my school friends were dying of the fever that followed on after. They closed the schools. People sold their clothing for food – there were children running around naked. There was no dispensary then, no medicine except a few herbs, no doctor.”

“People were just beginning to recover from that, those that did recover, when a second famine hit five years later. There’s a cumulative effect to these things that takes the heart out of people. Do you wonder people don’t worry about a bit of dirt or a broken-down wall?”

Will was intrigued by this man now suddenly so passionate. William was a fraction taller than his father, Joseph, equally broad-shouldered with black hair and deep set eyes. He had the bearing of a soldier but had never carried arms; his skin and roughened hands told of a life outdoors.

Now he continued. “On the other hand, we’re luckier than many a village in Ireland. We’ve two good men who’ve landed in our midst. I take it you’ve been hearing of James Dill, our new young Presbyterian minister who came in here like a whirlwind from Donegal in August and was ordained this month. He’s set us all back on our heels, including our new rector, who isn’t used to a young upstart – just your age Will, begging your pardon – stirring things up, and a non-conformist at that. And then there’s our new Parish Priest, Father Peter Gordon, a cousin of old Benjamin Marshall whom I gather you met upon the Brae. Interesting man is Father Peter, son of a Protestant blacksmith, with his father’s height and strength. He’s gone about rebuilding the church with all that energy, and the willing help of his parishioners. He’s even dragooned my father into helping them insert two lovely new windows, as I’m sure you’ve seen.” Will nodded. He had noted down the rebuilding for his report in his usual laconic style.

On the last evening of his stay in Dromore, Will found himself wishing he had a painter’s gift. Jane sat by the fire mending her lovely red cloak. It fell in folds of rich colour across the dark blue of her long wool skirt. The cloak had been made by her grandmother and given to her on her wedding day. She was just twenty-four years old, with silky black hair coiled loosely at the back of her head, clear skin tanned by hours in the fields and dark eyes that sparkled as she talked. Her nine-month-old baby, Eliza, lay fast asleep in a cradle at her feet. George stood leaning against the hearth, pipe in hand in a rare moment of relaxation. The blazing turf fire cast a ruby glow over the whole family, as though Will were looking at an old painting. He would remember them like this.

Back in Dublin, in his cubbyhole at Phoenix Park, Will reread his report. Pretty pedestrian stuff, he thought. For a moment he hesitated, then inserted one final paragraph. One instance of peculiarity of costume prevails in this as well as in the surrounding parishes of this part of Tyrone, that is, the great prevalence of red cloaks and shawls among the women. At a fair or any other concourse of people this remark cannot fail of occurring to the stranger. Its effect is very pleasing in the crowd. It gives a great air of liveliness and brilliance to the fairs.

With a flourish he signed his name, Memoir by W. Hemans, 30th November, 1835.

Perhaps someone else would see Dromore through different eyes….

End of Chapter One

Polly of Bridgewater Farm

McKenty Books Bookshop – new books, formats and editions.

March 15, 2015
isd Neil_McKenty_Live_cover

New Edition
In the Stillness Dancing —
The Journey of John Main
Journalist, soldier, barrister
and Benedictine monk, John
Main restored Christian meditation
to its rightful place within the Church,
and his compelling teachings
transformed the lives of thousands
of people.
More information and ordering info.

Newly published
McKenty Live! The Lines
Are Still Blazing
This is a collection of colourful
stories, cartoons and articles,
by and about Neil
—broadcaster, writer and
former Jesuit—
highlighting his radio
talk-show, world-view,
and his writing ability
cover-1-6 cover-inside
Torchflame Books Edition
Skiing Legends and The Laurentian Lodge Club
This book invites you to curl up beside the fire and journey to a time when Montrealers skied down Peel Street and the Laurentians were “the wild west” of Quebec.

Third Edition
Polly of
Bridgewater Farm

This is the true story of an
idyllic Irish childhood torn asunder by the ‘Great Famine’ of 1847, and the trials of emigration over the seas to a new life in Canada.
Deluxe paperback (Canada)

The Other Key The Inside Story

E-book Edition
The Other Key
This detective novel has
Inspector Main, Homicide
Division, Montreal Police,
tracking a killer
like a leopard stalking a
gazelle through the
streets of Montreal,
London, and Dublin.
Order here.

E-book Edition
The Inside Story
A story of toxic religion,
sex and celibacy,
drinking and depression,
and how they led towards
self-discovery and
spiritual awakening.
For anyone on the
journey to wholeness.
Order here.

Mitch Hepburn
Centennial Biography Award-winning
Mitch Hepburn
With a sense of style and high adventure,
this is the biography of Ontario’s Premier Mitch Hepburn,
the youngest Premier in Ontario’s history
and one of the great enigmas of Canadian politics.
More information

From ‘McKenty Live!’ to ‘In the Stillness Dancing’

March 12, 2015

An extract from the newly-published McKenty Live! also discusses In the Stillness Dancing:

Christmas Letter, 1987

To say that Catharine and I haven’t written a holiday letter often is a gross exaggeration. We’ve never written one.

But those from some of our friends have given us so much pleasure we thought we’d give it a shot. Of course the result will be erratic – like our cross-country skiing in the Laurentians – but we have fun doing that, and we’re hoping you’ll have some fun reading this.

The past year has been indeed remarkable. It began in January when my second book, In the Stillness Dancing, was published in London, England. To back track a moment. I had been doing public affairs broadcasting since 1972 … during my last ten years, I hosted what became a popular phone-in program, “Exchange.” So why did I resign? That brings me back to the book.

In the fall of 1977 two Benedictine monks, John Main and Laurence Freeman, arrived from London to begin a meditation centre in Montreal. Because of a chance remark, I met Dom John Main in 1979 – a tall, impressive man with a sparkling Irish wit rooted in his own origins in County Kerry. Gradually we learned more about his life: Jesuit educated, British Intelligence Service, a student and later a professor of law at Trinity College, Dublin, civil servant in Malaya, barrister, Benedictine monk. In Malaya John Main met a charismatic Hindu near Kuala Lumpur who led him by a circuitous route to a Christian form of meditation going back to the 4th century and beyond – a form of meditation that induces deep interior silence through concentrating on a prayer word, or mantra. It was this form of Christian meditation that John Main came to Montreal to develop and teach.

His teaching was intense, but short. In December 1982, John Main died of cancer at the age of 56. The night of his death his close associate and friend, Dom Laurence, asked me if I would be interested in writing John Main’s biography. I accepted immediately … during the next couple of years, Catharine and I spent as much time on research as we could. This involved intense working trips to Dublin, London, and Washington, where John Main spent most of his adult life. (Catharine tried to convince me that we should go to Malaya, but Il y a une limite.) Publicizing John Main’s biography was a joint enterprise.

In this effort, Catharine and I were helped by many friends. Sister Gertrude McLaughlin advised us on the book from the beginning. John and Clare Hallward lived through every phase of the book with us. Clare is an excellent editor which means she not only improved the text but she also never took my tantrums seriously. John’s enthusiasm carried us through the difficult periods inherent in writing any book. All of us had fun at the book launchings in Montreal, especially at the Double Hook with Judy Mappin, the Anglican Diocesan Book Room with Jack Sheppard, and the United Church book store with Mary Beth Moriarity. I was able to talk about the biography on radio, and it was especially gratifying to return to my old program, “Exchange,” where my successor, Joe Cannon, asked me to stay for a second hour.

In Montreal, the festivities climaxed with a reception hosted by the Prior, Laurence Freeman, at the Benedictine Abbey on Pine Ave. About this time, Catharine and I flew to Syracuse, New York, to give a seminar on Christian meditation – it is not as difficult as you might think. All the important parts are in silence.

While all this was going on we still managed to get to the Laurentians for several week-ends of cross-country skiing. Catharine and I are not great skiers, but we enjoy the outdoors, the lovely Laurentian mountains, and the camaraderie around the blazing fireplace. Joining the winter instead of fighting it seems to make it shorter. It seemed short indeed this year because in the spring we were off on a trip to which we had both long looked forward.

The first stop was Dublin. The highlight of our stay was a reception at Trinity College (founded in 1591) to launch the biography. Main had been a student and a law professor at this cottage and lived in a lovely suite of Georgian rooms where his sister Yvonne helped him entertain students, some from his beloved Malaya. We stayed in a house near the sea where James Joyce once walked and wrote. We flew to London for ten days, where we explored Churchill’s cabinet war rooms. After seeing a couple of plays, and dancing up a storm at a lively Italian restaurant, and making my usual pilgrimage to Speaker’s Corner in Hyde Park, Catharine flew off to Germany and I flew back to Montreal making vague plans to write a biography of Catharine’s grandfather, R.J. Fleming, four-time Mayor of Toronto. These plans were rudely interrupted by a telephone call from the executive producer at Montreal’s only commercial English language television station, CFCF-TV.

More of Neil’s letters are available in McKenty Live! The lines are still blazing..click on the cover below for more information.


The new edition of In the Stillness Dancing — the Journey of John Main is available to pre-order. Send an email to linesarestillblazing@gmail.com to reserve a copy.




Tuesday Writing Conversation: Beginning in Montreal

March 10, 2015

For this week’s Writing Conversation, and to mark the publishing of a new limited-edition of In the Stillness Dancing —the journey of John Main, we are putting up this extract. This is chapter 11 and John Main has reached the point of establishing an entirely new monastery in the vital North American city of Montreal — at that time a city and society going through politically tumultuous times with the rise of Quebecois nationalism right into government and the ongoing cultural aftershocks of the 1960’s.

‘The whole thing here is a complete leap in the dark.’ That was how Father John described the Montreal project, and that was literally how it began. After their flight from London, Father John and Brother Laurence Freeman arrived in the evening at Mirabel Airport outside Montreal, in the rain and in the dark. The man who had so much to do with their coming, Bishop Leonard Crowley, was at the airport to meet them.

The meeting almost ended in a fiasco. Father John had left Ealing in a rush. T-shirts had been jammed into a bulging brief-case secured with the only fastener at hand, the belt from his trousers. This precarious arrangement withstood the pressures of the transatlantic flight. Unfortunately, at Mirabel airport, as Father John, beltless, stretched out his hand to meet his new bishop, the bulging brief-case burst open. Happily Father John’s trousers held firm; so did his remarkable composure.

He would need all his composure as he began the new enterprise in Montreal in the autumn of 1977. A week after he arrived with Brother Laurence, living as guests of the Ascension Parish in Westmount, Father John wrote to Father Michael Hall:

It is impossible to say what opportunities there will be for us or how the whole thing will take on. But basically I think the only important thing is that we are a group who want to pray together and to respond to the needs of the kingdom as they appear.

The needs of the kingdom, as they appeared, were mundane indeed. They related to the house John Main had purchased, with the Bishop’s help (virtually the only money the two Benedictines had was in their pockets) on Vendôme Avenue in the municipality of Notre-Dame-de-Grace near downtown Montreal. It was one of the historic Décarie houses, built by the descendants of Jean Décarie, who had come out from France about 1650 when Paul de Chomedey, Sieur de Maisonneuve, was trying to develop what would become the city of Montreal. But the house had fallen into a state of disrepair and there were other problems, as Father John explained to Lady Lovat about a month after arriving in Montreal: ‘ . . . we are still not able to get legal possession and wait, like orphans, on the doorstep’.

This was one of the first of many letters from Montreal to Rosamund ‘Rosie’ Lovat, a tall, reserved, regal woman with a loyal discretion that matched her generous heart. She became not only a strong supporter of the Montreal foundation but also a confidante to whom Father John turned for encouragement and reassurance. Not only her friendship but her commitment to meditation was a constant source of comfort to him: ‘I can’t tell you how delighted I was that so many of you really managed to understand the wonderful simplicity and richness of meditation. It is simply a matter of patient fidelity and a readiness for that full openness to the Lord.’

Simple but not easy. Already one of Father John’s Benedic­tine friends was having second thoughts about the project he and Father John had discussed so often. In early October 1977 Father John wrote to Father Michael Hall in Washington:

I can well understand your reservations about leaving Washington and of course I must in no way encourage you to desert what you see as your responsibilities. I understand your dilemma well because I went through the same at Ealing over the years. It may be that you will come (because the circumstances are different) to a conclusion different from mine. But whatever your decision rest assured that I will respect and understand it. Whatever you do decide I hope that you will come and visit us here from time to time.

Father John also reiterated there were no guarantees in the Montreal situation and they would not be living in the lap of luxury:

We shall be very poor! We have been given $57,000 in gifts and loans which will cover the cost of purchasing the house ($47,000) and some money for repairs and renovations. We will have to furnish from scrap and equip! We have $25,000 a year to live on, but the cost of living seems very high here and we will need to watch the way we spend. This I think will be a good thing for us all.

Bishop Crowley was responsible for the financial support of the new Benedictine foundation. The Bishop was very gratified by the generous response particularly of Quebec’s religious communities, including the French ones. Even Abbot Rossiter, at a time when Ealing could ill spare the money, sent Father John an ample donation.

On 6 December, the plumbing fixed, the deeds signed and the electricity turned on, Father John and Brother Laurence moved into the old Décarie House at 3761 Vendôme Avenue just a few yards from the busy Côte-St-Antoine road. By this time two of the young people from the lay community at Ealing, John Westby and Pat Hawes, had come to help with the move and to join, at least temporarily, the fledgling foundation. Guests began to arrive, welcomed sometimes by Father John, paint brush in hand. The first meditation group, which had met that spring with Sister Eileen Byrne at St Ignatius parish, was now joined by others. Montrealers, in slowly increasing numbers, came to ask for instruction in Christian meditation, usually given by Father John on Monday and Tuesday evenings, followed by a meditation in silence. Plans were made for a newsletter to go out to medi­tators and, after being in Vendôme less than a month, Father John was writing to Rosie Lovat about plans for her first visit and the need for more space. But there was play as well as work:

Some friends of mine came and took me off ‘snow-shoeing’ the other day — it was a sort of kidnap! But I enjoyed it immensely. We walked over a lake (frozen!) and through some pine woods, all in about three feet of snow and the deepest silence you have heard — really inspiring. I made a resolution to go snow-shoeing whenever I can.

Then, as he often did in letters to Rosie Lovat and others, Father John returned to the subject of meditation and the prayer groups:

I am delighted you have joined Fr Vincent’s group and I know that nothing will deflect you from fidelity to the simplicity of the mantra. Other teachers think it is useful to keep up the interest of the group with various things. I am sure that this is good provided it doesn’t compromise the main issue. There is really nothing to be learned — nothing to experience or anything like that. It is simply a matter of realization — we must realize who we are — in Jesus. The rest is really so much froth — but people do get a bit restless if you merely repeat, ‘Say your Mantra’, and so teachers think of all sorts of other techniques and clever things to say and so on. The only thing is to open your heart to the love of the Lord Jesus and the only way I know to do it is to be simply faithful to the mantra day by day.

Father John was writing this letter at the end of 1977. It had been a bitter-sweet year for him — the excitement of the new foundation, the sadness of leaving Ealing where he had become a Benedictine monk, been ordained a priest and where he still had many friends. He was happy, at the year’s end, to hear good news from Rosie about his old monastery:

‘I am so glad that things are going well at Ealing….It is often the case that things turn out that way. I think that my going made it possible. There is no doubt but that this is the Lord’s doing.’ ‘I think that my going made it possible’: no looking back in bitterness or regret at what might have been; but looking forward with enthusiasm to what would be.

In the first week of January 1978 he wrote to tell Michael Hall that more prayer groups would meet that week: ‘At Ealing we went from five to two hundred in six months. I hope the expansion will be somewhat slower here.’ The structure of the meetings was much the same as those at the Ealing Prayer Centre: ‘an introductory talk, music, a half-hour meditating in silence together, the raising of questions or a discussion’. Early in the new year a small group of priests began meditating. By this time Father John was able to tell Michael Hall that the daily monastic regime was gradually being put in place: ‘office, the Eucharist, work, three periods of silent meditation, recreation, music etc. No TV!’ (Although he considered recreation important, Father John had concluded that, by and large, television was damaging to community life.) He described both the joy and the difficulty of the monastic schedule:

We have now established our full round of monastic prayer and it has been a great joy to return to the regular life. . . . Of course we have our problems to get everyone entirely together, but the uniting factor is the commitment of everyone to the prayer together.

Seen here at the Vendôme priory - Laurence Freeman, the Dalai Lama, John Main.

Seen here at the Vendôme priory – Laurence Freeman, the Dalai Lama, John Main.

That relatively few people came to Vendôme in the early days did not seem to concern Father John. He never played the spiritual numbers game. Gradually more arrived to be taught Christian meditation (the Monday night talk) and to progress more deeply into it (the Tuesday night session). Before the prayer Father John spoke about meditation for about twenty minutes:

Learning to meditate is the most practical thing in the world. You require only one quality when you begin. That is seriously to want to learn to meditate. The process is absolute simplicity…. You need to find a quiet place . . . and, having found it, you sit down. . . . When you are seated and are still, you close your eyes and then begin to repeat, interiorly and silently in your heart, the word Maranatha (‘Come, Lord Jesus’). In some traditions this is called a ‘mantra’, in others, a ‘Prayer phrase’ or ‘Prayer word’ . . . [Maranatha] is an Aramaic word and its importance is both that it is one of the most ancient prayers there is and that it possesses the right sound to bring us to the silence and stillness necessary for meditation. . . . And that is all you need to know in order to meditate. You have a word, and you say your word, and you remain still.

When anyone asked Father John about progress in meditation he would reply, with a smile, that the first 20 years were the most difficult. Nor did he ever suggest, or even imply, that meditators formed some kind of spiritual elite. He once referred to a Tuesday night group (including himself) as ‘this motley crew’ and he told Michael Hall, ‘We are really a very ordinary group doing a very ordinary sort of job! As if you did not know.’ During the early months of 1978, the outlines of‘the very ordinary group’ at the Vendôme Priory were clearer. It comprised three levels: the monastic community, still only two, Father John himself and Brother Laurence Freeman; the lay community, then three young men from England and two women (a nurse, Pat Hawes, and Sister Eileen Byrne); and finally the meditation groups.

During this early period of the foundation Father John was under considerable pressure in terms of space, financing and the scarcity of monastic help. There is a hint of this in a letter to Michael Hall. Apparently some of the Benedictines in Ealing, whom Father John had been counting on, now might not come. A hint, too of the loneliness John Main occasionally felt, so far from all his old friends:

We don’t get much news from Washington. . . . Do write when you have a moment and give all your news. I hear very little from Ealing and so have little word of them. We hope that Vincent will come to join us here but the Abbot seems a little uncertain about it.

Presently Father John’s fears about manpower from Ealing were confirmed: ‘I hear from Ealing that Vincent will not now be coming, and Vincent suggests that no one will be spared. So we will have to work on that supposition.’ Father John adjusted to what must have been a major disappointment with remarkable resiliency: ‘I have cancelled all my engagements in Europe during the summer. I had thought Vincent would be here and that it would be good for him to be on his own with the group but now I must think again. I am very pleased.’

One friend in London did not forget Father John nor his work in Montreal. After her marriage in the French Church off Leicester Square, the church that once meant so much to them both, Diana Ernaelsteen (Searle) graduated in medicine, began to practise, and had three children, the first a thalidomide baby. For a long time she and John Main did not meet. Then, when he was still in Washington, Father John’s special friendship with Diana revived. He was delighted, as he explained in a letter to his friends from Malayan days, David and Jane Akers-Jones:

Do you remember Diana? We once had lunch together in London. We met again during the summer [1973] . . . and have been in constant correspondence ever since — she a happy wife and mother and me a happy monk — but I think made happier by discovering an old love that had not dimmed over the years. I am getting sentimental so I will close.

It is typical of John Main that this flash of emotion, flickering like sheet-lightning, is quickly brought under control. But their love had not dimmed and Father John was happier knowing it had not. In one of her birthday letters to Father John in Washington, Diana (who continued to live in Welwyn Garden City) reminded him he once carried her on his shoul­ders. He remembered:

Thank you for the lovely birthday card …. So it’s shoulders! Amazing that you should remember that so clearly. Years later I carried another (somewhat bigger) girl on my shoulders and as a result suffer from chronic fibrositis! I often think that shoulder trouble was the beginning of my flight to the monastery — being too flighty I suppose.

When Father John returned to England in 1974, Diana was working primarily in children’s medicine. Shortly after his return Father John visited Diana and her family in their home. On that occasion he discussed his plans for a new prayer centre at Ealing with Diana’s husband, Geoffrey. Later he wrote to Diana:

What an enormous pleasure it was to see you the other day — a very happy day. I so enjoyed the walk in the woods and playing with the children — I suppose I have never grown up!!!

I was very grateful too for my very brief conversation with Geoffrey. It was most useful to have his comments on my proposed community of prayer. . . .

Some time in the future I am thinking of getting a few people together to discuss the question of prayer as a practical reality — maybe Geoffrey and you might come along. It would be refreshing to have a view that was not inspired by the commitment to the Christian revelation.

Father John’s leaving for Montreal saddened Diana, but they continued writing. She was interested in the new foun­dation and Father John (of course she still called him Douglas) gave her a progress report in the spring of 1978:

Starting this place from scratch has been a great challenge. We haven’t really got airborne yet but we are on the way. We have a very nice old house that was quite a wreck when we moved in and now we are beginning to get it straight …. I am so sorry that we didn’t have an opportunity to meet before I left.

I like the life here in North America. There seems to be so much more initiative and innovativeness in the people. But I suppose I am basically a displaced person, a refugee.

In March 1978, two young men, Tom Abraham and Nich­olas Wardropper, came from London to join the lay community. Abbot Francis Rossiter himself came over for a visit in June. He enjoyed his visit and the warm hospitality at Vendôme, as Father John told Rosie Lovat: ‘The Abbot’s visit was a great success. We had very little time to prepare anything for him but I think he got quite a fair idea of our aims and work. He seemed very rested and peaceful when he was going.’ About this time too Father John was delighted to hear from Rosie about her own meditation group. He replied:

It is really wonderful that you have been able to start this group. The quietest room possible will be the best. . . . Try to give them something from your own experience each time. It need only be a sentence or two — the message is so simple — ‘keep to the mantra’. You will find that this is the biggest stumbling block — especially to devout Catholics and Religious. Never argue — and never lose your cool! Just repeat that this is the teaching and that this is your experience . . . make sure you keep the simplicity of the mantra. I know you will. There is however such a temp­tation to dress the whole thing up into strange and esoteric garbs.

By the summer of 1978, Father John’s vision of the kind of community he wanted to build in Montreal was emerging. He referred to this in a letter to Rosie Lovat in July:

Our plans go ahead here and we are now coming within sight of our dream — that is a community of monks, sisters, lay community and married people and families — all joined together by meditation — obviously at different levels of commitment but each with a growing commitment.

One of the most exciting and revolutionary elements in Father John’s fresh vision of community was the role of lay people, both those living inside and outside the community itself. As the community developed so would the active participation of the laity, single or married. This would be one of Father John’s contributions to modern monasticism — a community life where, for example, the oblates (those with a special commitment to prayer and the office) were not just a passive guild of pious women but a group of people who formed an integral part of the monastic community, its prayer life and its activities, some of which they initiated. In a real sense the monastery was to be the centre of a growing family linked by strong spiritual bonds. This was a vital and developing monasticism — flexible, prayerful, vitally connected to the real world. Father John described the thrust of the Montreal experiment in Letters from the Heart:

In this society of entertainment and spiritual eclecticism, but marked, too, by so much genuine concern for a true experience of absolute value, it seemed to me that the monastic witness of the kind we were making in Montreal was of supreme importance — simply to prove to a culture built to such an extent on ‘conditional discipleship’ that only the absolute commitment can bring the liberation they seek and so often do not find.

A part of the ‘monastic witness’ in Montreal that most encouraged Father John was the number of people who came to Vendôme regularly to participate in the prayer life and share meals with the community. They formed, in a sense, an extension of the lay community. One of these was a young salesman in his twenties, Paul Lafontaine. He came to the Priory for the office and meditation three times a day and shared most of his meals with the community. He and Father John became friends, partly through their common interest in music. Paul was astonished at Father John’s appreciation and knowledge of music: ‘He was a musician’s musician, with a very good ear and a pleasing tone.’ Paul Lafontaine recounts an interesting theory Father John had developed about Baroque music:

He would point out how there existed, in Baroque music, a relationship between the musical pulsings and the duration of a breath in a human at relaxation. Thus the music corresponded to a rhythmic harmony in humans, making it suitable for relaxation, attentive appreciation and even digestion. He felt that the Haydn Symphonies and the Mozart Concertos were ideal vehicles to listen to at meal times given their structure and length, about 25 minutes.

Music, meditation, talks — Father John also made time for an extensive correspondence. An old Irish friend, Monsignor Tom Fehily, pastor of the delightfully named parish of Castle-knock-Porterstown-Clonsilla, wrote to him about organizing meditation meetings. He replied:

  1. In regards the format of your meetings, we have found that the talk time should not be more than 15 minutes and ideally only 5-7 or so. I think the rest of your format is good. Assemble — listen to talk — meditate — discuss. I think it important to stress that the discussion should not be on ‘what happened’ but on more practical things like good time, good reading, good posture, etc. etc. As regards reading. In the initial stages the less the better. Advise against getting into too many technicalities.
  2. About teaching others. As long as you are scrupulously honest and only try to teach what you know and don’t mind saying ‘I don’t know the answer to that’, I would say start a group wherever you can. You can always use some tapes for the initial stages. The important thing is to meditate. I think a weekly meeting of the group is of enormous help if it can possibly be managed.

It’s very good I think to be in touch with a Community and feel absolutely welcome to be in touch with ours. Anytime you want to write or anyone wants to come and stay (The Maple Leaf fare is quite cheap!) you will always be welcome. . . . The Community dimension is important because it does provide a point of reference for you that gives confidence to your group. This is the idea behind our newsletters. . . . Our work is expanding quite rapidly here and in all sorts of places in the world.

One of the places where the work was expanding was London, and one of the people there whose interest meant much to Father John was Diana. He was surprised to learn she had listened to his meditation tapes: ‘How strange that you should have listened to the tapes.’ He tells her he hopes to see her and her family early in 1979: ‘So you are 43. I can hardly imagine it. Of course I am nearly sixty myself!’ (This was a typical John Main exaggeration; he was in fact 52). Then he recommended a book to Diana: ‘You must read 100 Years of Solitude, Gabriel Garcia Marquez. It is a wild tale of imagination and reality that is one of the great books of all times.’ Then, as he often did with Diana, Father John described some aspect of the outdoors they both loved so much, this time an autumn tree outside the driveway of the old Décarie house on Vendôme:

It has been staggeringly beautiful here for the last weeks. A very slow Fall with the leaves getting more and more unbelievable — reality is really so much more fantastic than fantasy — or as someone said Nature does really imitate art. We have a tree at the entrance to our drive that has looked like an old lady growing gracefully and more and more beautifully old — starting with full reds going to light browns, then to golds and then to frail spun gold.

By the close of the first full year at the Vendôme Priory, the structure of the new foundation, still fragile, was becoming more firm. At the end of 1978, the Priory received its first oblate, Rosie Lovat. The big problem, as the new year began, was not lack of activity but lack of space.

After a round of talks and retreats on meditation in the early part of 1979, in England, Scotland and Ireland (where he had a short visit with his family), Father John returned home to sad news. Diana wrote to say that her father, Harry Ernaelsteen, had died. When John lived with the Ernaelsteens at the beginning of the war, he had grown fond of Diana’s father:

Harry’s death must have been so hard for you as I know how much he relied on you. I loved him very much — he was really such an important figure in my life. Only during these last days have I realized how much. I think he gave me almost all the confidence I have! Isn’t it strange and I don’t think I have known that clearly all my life. I shall always keep him in my heart and daily remember him in the Mass that meant so much to him in recent years. I think it must have been that I saw his faults clearer than my father’s, and his faults somehow made him greater in my eyes — there was something generous there that was very attractive.

It was almost forty years since Harry Ernaelsteen had told John Main he could be anybody he wanted to be, do anything he wanted to do, preferably neatly dressed. John Main had never forgotten. In her reply to his letter about her father’s death, Diana took up the notion of human faults. She did not perceive people having ‘faults’ so much as their having a continuum of qualities that would be perceived differently by different people. Nor did she think it fair to assess individual qualities; the whole man must be considered and the sum total of his contribution. As usual, John Main found Diana’s letter both stimulating and moving. He speculates about their long-lived mutual empathy and understanding. Was it owing to his mother and Diana’s grandmother meeting and becoming close friends in Belgium before World War I:

I was so delighted to get your letter and very moved as I read it. It is so curious that we share so much in spirit. Could it have been those early genetic meetings in the pre-first-World-War Brussels that gave us such an affinity? But whatever it is it is extraordinary.

Perhaps it was environment — a people is made a people by its early memory — and I suppose we were both in our own way affected by those brief years or was it months in W.G.C. [Welwyn Garden City].

Whatever the explanation, the affection of those teen-aged years at W.G.C. ripened into love and then into a selfless service to others, Diana, a doctor in the practice of healing, John, a monk teaching meditation, a service that subsumed their own love but did not extinguish it.

During these early months trying to develop the community at Vendôme nothing gave Father John more encouragement and stimulus than hearing about meditation groups elsewhere. He wrote to Rosie Lovat responding to some of her questions about prayer:

Your union and communion ideas are perfectly sound, ‘How can you say you love God who you cannot see if you do not love your neighbour who you can see?’ (St John).

Love of neighbour is the perfect preparation for prayer (loss of self in God) and prayer is the perfect preparation for love of neighbour (loss of self in others). It is sternness and the ability to encounter it without fear that is the beginning of love.

Then he referred to one of his favourite thoughts from Teilhard de Chardin: ‘Union differentiates . . . the more we love (ourselves) in the other the more we become ourselves.’ He also told Rosie about the Anglican bishop, Henry Hill, who would later join the community and become another of its first oblates: ‘We had a delightful Anglican bishop with us for nearly three weeks — the Bishop of Ontario. He fitted in perfectly and loved meditating with us four times a day’:

The wonderful thing about meditation is that it prevents all fooling around with religion. If you really want to say your mantra then you can harbour [no] resentment and irritation in your heart. That is not to say that you won’t feel it! At least from time to time — but as soon as it presents itself it must be banished. The beauty of it is that it is banished not by our will but by God’s Love.

Father John had enjoyed good health in Montreal. But a medical problem emerged in the late summer of 1979. After giving a retreat to the sisters of the Congregation of Notre Dame at Mabu in Nova Scotia, followed by a brief sea-shore holiday, he returned to the Priory. He first noticed pains in his lower abdomen in September. They became worse. A doctor at the Queen Elizabeth Hospital diagnosed cancer of the upper bowel.

It was decided to operate immediately. Father John wanted to tell some of his closest friends himself. He telephoned Rosie Lovat at her home in Scotland and followed the call with a letter:

How lovely it was talking to you on the ‘phone’. I was so sorry to give you bad news but I didn’t want you just to hear it third-hand.

It is apparently quite a serious operation — the doctors say — serious but not grave!! [No matter what the circumstances Father John could seldom resist his proclivity for punning].

. . . It’s strange how suddenly this illness has developed! I haven’t quite got used to the idea of it yet. But I feel very calm and am totally open to God’s will whether it be life or death. I hope I will be able to say the mantra throughout the uncomfortable bits of it. Keep me in your heart.

The beauty of meditation is the real simplicity it leads you to — a real capacity to respond to what IS.

The doctors operated on 9 October. They pronounced the operation a complete success. One person, who had been increasingly concerned by Father John’s long silence, was Diana in Welwyn Garden City, then practising community paediatrics in Hertfordshire:

Douglas had not written for a long while. I found myself awake several nights running, acutely anxious about him and with him in my thoughts I then wrote a (relatively) angry letter, in funny vein, saying that only a brain tumour would do as an excuse for not writing.

Although he was just out of hospital, Father John replied by post-card:

Dearest Diana,

This is just to give you a bad conscience!! But not too bad!! But I am just recovering (2 days out of hospital) from major surgery. Was quite ill for a few weeks. Growth in bowel — seems to be a great success — no infection in lymph nodes. Will write as soon as I am stronger. Much love. Douglas.

He then added a typical remark, ‘Really enjoyed your letter. Sorry I can’t match the invective!’ In response to this card, and for the first and only time, Diana telephoned Father John in Montreal:

I got through to him immediately and his feelings, usually so carefully covered (indeed virtually always) were revealed by a strained voice, ‘So you do care after all.’ He made light of the hard times in his life and wrote of the successes and highlights.

Unfortunately, because he was still recuperating, Father John was unable to attend one of the ‘highlights’ of 1979, Brother Laurence Freeman’s solemn profession as a Benedictine. Bishop Crowley was present as, indeed, was Abbot Rossiter who made the long journey from England. The Abbot visited Father John, whose doctors advised him to spend a few weeks in the warm South to regain his strength. Just before leaving Father John wrote to Diana for her birthday:

Forgive my prolonged silence, but I have put all my energy into recovering from the surgery. It seems to have worked. I am now back to full health! Blood – all sets of tests — including haemo or is it heamo-globins or whatever, all counting perfectly, pressure fine and weight back to a somewhat portly 190 lbs which is what it always has been for several years now.

So in the first week of January 1980, Father John, accompanied by Brother Laurence, flew to the Bahamas, to stay at St Augustine’s Benedictine Monastery in Nassau for a month. It was a sunny way to leave the shadow of illness, and as he stood on a hilltop in the sunshine looking out at the sea, Father John, now sporting a light grey beard could feel his health swiftly reviving. And, as he wrote to Rosie Lovat, he enjoyed the sea and the sun: ‘It is quite lovely here. Very silent — very remote from the tourist part. A small Community (no one over five feet) but very friendly and welcoming.’

Still there was work to do. While Brother Laurence did the editing, Father John wrote the Introduction to the first series of Newsletters from the Priory, later published as Letters from the Heart. And he wrote to Rosie about one of his basic themes, the distinction between illusion and reality:

There is the true self (Atman) which is Christ, in him, with him and through him we are in God (Brahman). There is the false self (Ego) which has no reality and does not exist — it is only illusion. The false self burns away and gives way to the true self in the fire of Divine Love who is Christ. ‘My me is God; neither do I know myself save in him’ (Catherine of Genoa). In other words there is only God — he is the one supreme reality. We can only know him with his own self-knowledge which is the life of the Trinity. Our intention is to leave illusion — to leave unreality — God’s call is to leave the ‘I’ and become ‘me’. We must all become ‘me’. I hope that clarifies rather than obfuscates.

After what he described as ‘a splendid rest’, Father John and Laurence returned to Vendôme to an intense round of engagements. They flew to Victoria, British Columbia, at the invitation of Bishop Remi de Roo to give a week’s series of talks in the cathedral. The crowds were large and enthusiastic. Back home the whole community was busy preparing for Laurence’s ordination. As Father John wrote to Rosie: ‘Laurence is really very excited but playing it cool!’ In June in the lovely chapel of the motherhouse of the sisters of the Congregation of Notre Dame, Bishop Leonard Crowley ordained Laurence Freeman OSB to the priesthood. This was the climax of Laurence’s successful studies in theology at the University of Montreal.

At this time too Father John’s writings on meditation were having a wider influence. He explained to Rosie:

I had a lovely letter from the Archbishop of Canterbury saying how much he had enjoyed ‘The Other Centeredness of Mary’. He said that he was due to preach at Walsingham soon and that it had stimulated him in preparing his sermon. It was a very warm and friendly letter.

Now it was time for Father John’s usual trip overseas to give retreats, days of recollection, talks to meditation groups and enjoy a brief visit with his family in Ireland. He wrote to Rosie in July:

Kylemore Abbey where I gave the first retreat is a lovely place. The nuns were very delightful — very simple like children some of them. One of them said to me ‘And where Father did you get that grand English accent and coming from the depths of the County Kerry?!’

Some of them I think got the message of meditation but by no means all. I am now with a group of Dominican Sisters and I have the impression that they may be more on the wave-length.

Still, his expectations were modest:

Ireland was damply beautiful and I enjoyed the two retreats which were really restful for me. In each of the Communities there were two or three who really understood and who will tread the pilgrimage to the end. This is a great grace.

After his return to Montreal in mid-July, the Priory was inundated with guests. If some tried his patience, they did not squelch his humour. He told Rosie, ‘We are full of guests and I have to spend much time with them as they are all so anxious for an immediate encounter with the Absolute!’ There is also a word about suffering:

. . . let me tell you what I feel about suffering. There are situations in life that are so unbearable that only terrible violence seems able to bring relief and deliverance. The Cross itself is the archetypal instance. When such violence seizes hold of people they act only out of the narrowness of their violence and not out of the fullness of their humanity. Hence the ‘Father forgive them they know not what they do’.

Forgiving really does mean unremembering – letting go all remembrance of the violence and allowing only the full humanity to be.

At the same time he was writing to Rosie Lovat, Father John was also keeping up a large correspondence with other meditators around the world. He wrote to one in Ireland:

I am so delighted to hear that meditation has meant so much to you. There is great healing in it. As you become more quiet and go deeper into the mystery of God you begin to understand that the mystery is of the infinite depths of the Divine Love which is absolutely all-sufficing. You begin to understand that you don’t have to live out of your own limited resources but out of the infinite compassion of God.

And with typical John Main enthusiasm he added, ‘Isn’t it absolutely wonderful!’

What was also ‘absolutely wonderful’, at a different level, was the news about a new site for the Priory (which the previous summer had transferred its affiliation from Ealing to Mount Saviour in New York State.) With the assistance of Montreal businessman, Jean Prieur, Father John started to search for a larger property. Then, almost miraculously, came the possibility of acquiring one of the most spectacular mansions in a city famous for them.

The story of how the McConnell estate became the Benedictine Priory is an astonishing one. On his way back from a trip to England, Father Laurence met a middle-aged couple on their way to Montreal. They seemed interested in meditation so he told them about the Priory. Later, their daughter spoke about Father John and meditation to a friend, David Laing, son of Mrs Peter (Kit) Laing who, in turn, was the daughter of the late J. W. McConnell, a prominent Montrealer who had once owned one of Canada’s most respected newspapers, the Montreal Star.

David Laing, an engaging young man with nervous prob­lems, began going to the Priory to meditate. Later he had several discussions with Father John who gave him some clear-cut advice. David learned that the Priory desperately needed more space. He casually remarked to Father John that his family owned a house in downtown Montreal. (Jean Prieur had also learned that the house was available.) Just as casually Father John went with David Laing to look at the house with its palatial terraces, turrets, court yards and tennis courts. It was situated in a wooded estate above Pine Avenue half-way up the magnificent Mount Royal with a breathtaking view of Montreal down to the St Lawrence River and beyond to the green hills of Vermont. This was the McConnell mansion (with its eighteen bedrooms and a spacious coachhouse), one of the half dozen most celebrated homes in Montreal.

Father John realized immediately the house would be ideal as a Priory because of its secluded environs and central location. But was it a real possibility? Father John invited ‘Kit’ Laing for tea at Vendôme. To his delight and surprise (the McConnells were from a staunch Protestant background), he learned that ‘Kit’ Laing favoured her old home (now used mainly for social events) becoming a Benedictine Priory. But she was just one member (albeit the president) of the foundation that controlled the estate. What would they say? In their discussions one gentleman asked Father John, ‘And how long have you been around?’ ‘About 1,500 years,’ Father John replied.

Then he wrote to Rosie to explain another difficulty raised by the foundation, though one not shared by ‘Kit’ Laing herself:

Out of the blue we have been offered a very large house on Pine Avenue (downtown) as a gift. Unfortunately they were about to sell the gardens for a considerable sum to a developer. As this would make the house useless for us I told them that I couldn’t really accept the House for the Community unless they gave me the land too! They are now considering this and I am waiting to hear from them. It would be a very good interim solution.

It was a risky response. No grounds, no house. But it revealed more about John Main than it did about houses. He knew what he wanted. And whether it was a house or a commitment to meditation he wanted all or nothing. The risk was worth it. The McConnell mansion, grounds and all (including even the butler) became a Benedictine Priory in June. The plans were to move in during the fall. After so much excitement over the new house, Father John went off in early September to give a meditation retreat in St Louis, Missouri, where ‘the weather was hot — 100 degrees F. each day’. For someone who had never been that keen on sport, he took drastic measures to cool off:

After [the retreat] was over I went down to visit some friends in Southern Missouri who have a lovely house on the North Fork River, a tributary of the Missouri River. While there I did some white water canoeing! It was great fun shooting the rapids at high speed — we only came out once! You soon learn at that speed.

Shortly after his return to the Priory from St Louis, Father John was delighted to welcome a new member to the monastic community. Paul Geraghty, a young solicitor, 26 years old, from Liverpool, had spent about six months at the Vendôme Priory in 1978. For some years he had been thinking of the monastic life. As early as 1975 Paul had gone to see Abbot Francis Rossiter at Ealing. The Abbot suggested he talk with Father John who was guest-master at the time. Later, in 1975, Paul joined Father John’s meditation groups at Ealing. After his stay at Vendôme in 1978, he returned to Liverpool to practise law, then, when family responsibilities permitted, he returned in October 1980, a shy, extremely capable and like­able young man, a solid addition to the monastic community. He arrived just in time for the big move and also to help welcome the most notable visitor of the year, the Dalai Lama, spiritual leader of the Tibetan Buddhists.

Father John, who had done so much to enrich the prayer life of the West by his personal experience of prayer in the East, was delighted to invite the Dalai Lama, while on a Canadian tour, to the Benedictine Priory. He was also pleased that the Dalai Lama and most of his entourage shared the mid-day Office, responded to the prayers and meditated with the community for half an hour in silence. For Father John, this silent prayer of those from the East with their brothers and sisters of the West, had profound significance:

We meditated together in absolute openness to love and to the Lord of love. We were not trying to convert one another. Our challenge as Christians is not to try to convert people around us to our way of belief but to love them, to be ourselves living incarnations of what we believe, to live what we believe and to love what we believe.

There was only one jarring note. As Father John walked out of the meditation room after the half hour of silence one of the Dalai Lama’s security people, a worried look on his face, grabbed his arm and asked warily, ‘Say, what was going on in there?’

After the visit of the Dalai Lama, all hands were mobilized to help with the move. Rosie Lovat was planning to come over for a visit (as she usually did a couple of times a year). Father John wrote to her:

Just to let you know that the donation of the house is now complete. The Board met last week and confirmed that they would give us everything – house, land and furnishings. They have given us November 1st as our date of entry. So you will be able to be with us as we start this new chapter in our history.

The beginning of ‘this new chapter in our history’, the move itself, helped by many friends from the Priory, went off smoothly and was embellished by a typical John Main inci­dent. Father John, like the lay community and other helpers, was wearing working clothes. A man living nearby was watching this moving crew in action. He asked whom they worked for. Father John replied, ‘The National Moving Company.’ Could they move a sideboard to his nearby home in Westmount? They could and they did. Could they move another piece of furniture downstairs? Father John replied they had to get back for Vespers (‘which apparently he thought were some kind of Italian motorcycle’).

So by early November, the Benedictine ‘National Moving Company’ had the community ensconced in its new Priory on Pine Avenue. By now three monastic novices, including two Americans, had joined. It had been a busy and fruitful year for the Montreal Priory,

Early in 1981 Father Laurence went for an extended trip to visit and encourage the prayer groups overseas. He stopped in Germany to speak with other meditation groups on his way home. Father John went to California (one of his favourite places) in February to speak to his largest crowd ever. He refers to this in a letter to Diana:

I have been postponing writing to you so that I could send you a worthy closely argued treatise on reflections on life now that I am in the mid-fifties! But in case I never get around to that I am sending you this brief bearer of loving tidings.

Life has been full. Had my first experience of talking to a large crowd — 8,000 — in the Anaheim Convention Centre outside Los Angeles. After that took part in some ‘conventions’ in San Diego. I can’t understand why everyone in the world doesn’t live it up in Southern California.

In the spring Father John’s book, Word Into Silence, a compendium of his essential teaching, was published. He continued to give the Monday and Tuesday evening talks which the Priory was now beginning to distribute in cassette form under the title, ‘The Communitas Series’. He also kept up his correspondence. Rosie Lovat had asked Father John about words like ‘empathy’ and ‘surrender’. He preferred

empathy more than surrender. Empathy is perfect reci­procity — our dear and courteous Lord invites us to this. Surrender suggests a power of struggle but the essence is pure gift — God gives himself to us and we enter into the fullness of his gift — this is empathy. It puts God and ourselves in a much truer light than surrender — surrender seems to lessen the marvel of his courtesy. . . .

At the end of course it is all words — but some words reflect the reality a little more clearly — empathy is a bit better than surrender. . . .

I hope I have answered all your questions. Oh yes, there must be no desire for God — rest in him — do not want to possess him. Be still. Desire is not in itself desirable. Desire suggests distance. Jesus tells us that he is with us. More words of course but desire for God is a confusing concept. Realize do not desire.

Then Father John added: ‘In the spiritual journey there is neither Greek nor Jew, neither male nor female — only the Lord God and those he loves.’ Which was another reason he was so pleased with the first Holy Week services at the Pine Avenue Priory:

On Good Friday for the first time an Anglican Bishop presided at the Liturgy of the Word and the Veneration of the Cross and then I presided at the Liturgy of the Eucharist. We had broken Henry Hill into the Liturgical Function when he helped with the washing of the feet on Maundy Thursday. A very inspiring time.

After Easter Father John made plans for his June trip overseas and wrote to Rosie again, trying to explain one of his favourite distinctions:

About illusions and reality. I think the truth goes something like this. Of course you are right. Reality is everywhere — we have no monopoly of it in Montreal. What I think may be the case, however, is that reality comes in to somewhat sharper focus when you tread the path with the sort of attention we are blessed to enjoy here. It is not only the quiet of the place but the single-mindedness of all those who are here and who come here. Does that sound reasonable?

After his trip to Ireland and a busy summer at the Priory, Father John took a few days in October with the Davitts, at their place on Cape Cod. From there he wrote to Rosie:

I am away in Cotuit on Cape Cod and really enjoying a week of complete change and rest. It is beautiful weather — frosty mornings and bright sunny afternoons with the magnificent Fall foliage brilliant in the sunshine. Yesterday I was on Nantucket Island for the day.

In November Father John wrote to tell Diana of the progress of the Montreal foundation:

Our work is expanding every week and we are kept busy. Yesterday we had the entire Anglican Hierarchy of four Archbishops and 40 bishops with us for the afternoon. Today we have 14 High School kids from Ontario and the next day a group of Buddhists from Vermont USA!! We are truly catholic.

There is no doubt the Community in Montreal, less than four years old, was thriving on a number of levels. But with the progress and the success there were problems and difficulties. Some of these could be traced to the personality and leader­ship of John Main himself.

The end of chapter 11.


The new edition of In the Stillness Dancing — the Journey of John Main is available to pre-order. Send an email to linesarestillblazing@gmail.com to reserve a copy.


McKenty Books Selection: Polly of Bridgewater Farm

March 8, 2015

Polly of Bridgewater Farm – an unknown Irish story

by Catharine Fleming McKenty

What a splendid book … what a delightful story. The bibliography and illustrations give it the right air of authenticity. The book is very educational – all those who read it will hardly notice they are being taught … the author is a superb storyteller! I could feel the slushy peat field … I could smell the rain coming.

Marianna O’Gallagher
Authority on Grosse Île and its preservation as an Irish monument, Quebec City, Canada

Novel outline

How in the world did Polly Noble, a bubbly little girl with freckles, born just outside Dromore in January 1837, live to become the subject of a biography more than a century later in Toronto?

Little Polly steps out - illustration from the book

Little Polly steps out – illustration from the book

This is the story of an idylic irish childhood torn asunder by the famine of 1847, and the trials of emigration to a new life in Canada. It was on her father’s farm, on the old Coach Road between Dromore and Enniskillen, that Polly spent an idyllic two years with her parents, George and Jane Noble. Then Disaster struck. On January 6, 1839, the infamous ‘Big Wind’ rose out of the sea and swept across Ireland, wailing like a thousand banshees. It flattened whole villages, burned down farm houses, and finally killed her father. It changed Polly’s life forever. Two years later, Polly’s mother, Jane, married William Fleming, the handsome widower across the road at Bridgewater Farm. Soon Polly began to walk back and forth the mile or so to the one-room school run by the Kildare Society in Dromore. But she found time to plant potatoes, milk the cows, look after the goats, pull flax, chase the hens and run bare-foot in the meadows. Then disaster struck again, this time the potato crop failed and famine and typhus threatened Bridgewater Farm. Like thousands of Irish people, the Flemings decided they must escape. They packed what they could, travelling by horse and cart to Londonderry/Derry, and drinking in their last views of the green fields and hills of Ireland. On May 14, 1847, along with 418 other passengers, they boarded the three-masted sailing ship ‘Sesostris’. Only 10 years old, Polly was on her way to a new life in Canada. After an appalling voyage, during which some of the passengers, including Polly’s darling little brother and sister died, they docked at Grosse-Île, the quarantine station on the St. Lawrence River, about an hour from Quebec. After three years in Montreal, where she met her future husband, Polly was now ready for her next adventure in a vast unknown land called Canada. Her destiny would be linked with a dozen children who had lost their mothers, one of them a future mayor of Toronto.


To purchase a copy of the limited colour edition of Polly of Bridgewater Farm, click on the Buy Now button below (Canadian customers only)

Buy Now Button with Credit Cards

To purchase a copy of Polly of Bridgewater Farm, b & w edition

click here.


To hear the author Catharine Fleming McKenty on BBC Northern Ireland click below.


AA CM Scrapbook

The author at her childhood home – Donlands near Toronto.


Neil’s Personal Creed

March 7, 2015

From McKenty Live! The Lines are Still Blazing..
Although I left the Jesuit priesthood in 1969 I still consider myself a practicing Roman Catholic. Those of us who believe in a God and believe we have been created in the image of God, relate to God in our own way. Some do not relate to God at all. What I do believe is that God writes straight with crooked lines, that everyone has to experience a degree of personal suffering to become more whole. We develop ourselves from the inside out. Most people are not comfortable in their own skin and seek ways to relieve their discomfort, often trying to fill a spiritual vacuum with material things. That is why there is such a spiritual malaise in the Western world and why so many people, particularly younger people, are leaving traditional religion to experiment, especially with religions of the East.

I think we must lose our life in order to find it. What I had to lose was my obsessive need to control. This need was so pervasive, so embedded in my bones, that a spiritual crisis had to occur for me to fall to my knees and ask for help. Whatever it is, we must endure a painful experience that transforms the way we feel about ourselves and the way we perceive the world. It involves relying on a power greater than ourselves which some people call God. It will also mean discipline and some practice of habitual prayer. And by prayer, I mean only a simple and honest reaching out of the human heart toward whatever power there may be at the foundation of life. Of course I can’t prove there is a God. But even at the rational level, I think the existence of this world makes more sense with a God than without one. I believe there is an afterlife, and the way we live in this world will affect the way we will live there.

I do not censure or condemn those who do not or cannot believe in God. I say only that faith is a gift, that I am a believer, and pray I remain so until my earthly end. I cannot put it better than Morris West, who wrote, “I have learned to be grateful for the small candle that lights my faltering steps and hope that when it gutters out, I may wake to a final illumination.”



Find out more by getting your own copy here.

Neil interviewed about John Main

March 5, 2015

Click below to hear Neil talking to Joe Cannon about In Stillness Dancing — the journey of John Main.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3 – sound quality not perfect for this part.

Part 4

Tuesday Writing Conversation: East Meets West — Swami Satyananda and John Main

March 3, 2015

Click below to hear Neil discuss John Main with Ric Petersen

A special new edition of In Stillness Dancing — the journey of John Main is soon to be printed. As a taster here is Chapter 5.

In the spring of 1954, before the end of the Hilary term at Trinity, Douglas Main applied to join the British Colonial Administrative Service (soon to be called Her Majesty’s Oversea Civil Service). Like his previous decision to join the Canons Regular, it seemed a curious choice. For one thing Douglas’s personal politics did not fit with British imperialism even in its twilight years. His friend, Robert Farrell, observed his anti-imperialism and his growing socialistic tendencies at Trinity: ‘We discussed politics a great deal. I would describe Douglas’s position as “left-wing independent” in that he seemed to support the socialist viewpoint.’ If he were not a conservative in domestic politics, he was certainly not an imperialist in foreign affairs. If anything, his Irish roots and his own intellectual formation as well as his independent temperament smacked more of republicanism than imperialism. So why did he apply for the Colonial Service and why Malaya? The questions puzzled Robert Farrell:

I’m not sure, knowing his politics, pacifism, dislike of Colonial and Imperial adventures, admiration of Gandhi, it was at first sight a strange choice. But it was an experi­ence, an adventure—Douglas was very curious about every­thing and I think curiosity had a lot to do with it. However, the most likely reason was that it was a job and Douglas was broke.

Whatever his reasons, Douglas received a ‘probationary appointment to the Colonial Administrative Service as an Administrative Cadet in Malaya’.

After successfully sitting his final examinations in the Michaelmas Term (his legal degree was conferred in absentia in December) Douglas left for England to begin a three-month course of language study in the School of Oriental and African Studies at the University of London. He found lodgings at the British Council hostel for Commonwealth students in Knightsbridge. While there Douglas became friends with a number of the students from Asia. During the autumn of 1954, Diana Ernaelsteen was also in London studying medicine. She and Douglas saw each other occasion­ally. He invited her to help him choose the tropical gear he would need in Malaya. Later they had dinner at Heathrow airport and Douglas left shortly afterwards to catch his boat for the East.

It was in January 1955 when Douglas sailed for Malaya, a country thought by some to be one of the most beautiful in the world. When he arrived at Port Swettenham on 2 February 1955, the area had been under British influence for nearly 150 years, and under direct British rule since 1874. By the time Douglas first saw the capital, Kuala Lumpur (usually referred to as K.L.), British rule in Malaya was on its last legs. The ultimate cause for their impending withdrawal was the failure of the British to settle Malaya instead of colonizing it. But the immediate occasion for the unravelling of British power in Malaya was a guerilla war mounted by Chinese Malayan communists.

The war broke out in 1948. The Chinese called it ‘the War of the Running Dogs’, their term for those in Malaya who remained loyal to the British. On the other side, the British called it ‘The Emergency’ because British insurance companies would honour policies for an ‘emergency’ but not for a full-scale civil war, which is what the Malayan fighting really amounted to. Thanks to the brilliant leadership, both political and military, of the previous High Commissioner, Sir Gerald Templar (appointed by Winston Churchill at a meeting in Ottawa in January 1952), the Chinese guerillas had virtually lost the war by 1955. Furthermore, the British government had promised Malaya its independence, and a time-table for elections was being worked out.

Although the fighting sometimes crackled in the jungle surrounding Kuala Lumpur, the capital itself escaped the war relatively unscathed. Shortly after his arrival Douglas began his three-year probationary period as an Administrative Cadet. This meant he spent five hours in the morning, begin­ning about 8 o’clock, studying a Chinese language, in his case the Hokkien dialect. (Later he would have followed some local law courses, because had Douglas remained in Malaya he would probably have been named a magistrate). The milieu of the language school itself could scarcely have been more exotic. It was situated in the ancestral temple of the Chan family, a notable example of a Confucian temple built about the end of the nineteenth century. The temple was still used occasionally as a place of worship and Douglas and his fellow students would sometimes begin their daily studies, eyes itching from the pungent odour of burning incense smoking on the altars across the open courtyard. The British administration had made some arrangement with the Chan family to rent the covered verandas and side rooms that surrounded the main altar. It was all rather ornate with brightly tiled roofs, porcelain fish and dragons decorating the eaves, the home of vast numbers of swallows and bats that swooped in and out during the language classes. After the morning tutorials (the classes contained only half a dozen or so pupils), the afternoons were usually spent studying privately.

Occasionally, as a respite from this rigorous language study schedule, Douglas would be assigned a more congenial task, such as helping to prepare for the first democratic voting (scheduled for July 1955) that would lead eventually to an independent Malaya. It was from these activities there emerged the most famous anecdote of Douglas Main’s short tour of duty in Malaya. The electoral officer was explaining voting procedures to a group of natives and Douglas was translating the officer’s message. You natives, explained the official, must continue to live by the rules and regulations of the Empire even after the voting. The electoral official waited for Douglas to translate. Douglas then said in the native language: ‘We bring you greetings from Her Majesty, the Queen, in London. She has asked me to tell you that if you are ever in London you are all invited to a garden party at Buckingham Palace.’ There was a great cheer. The officer turned to Douglas and said: ‘There you are, Main. I told you if you treated these people firmly, they’d appreciate it.’

Of course, in addition to his other duties and his language studies, there was a pleasant social side to Douglas’s life in Kuala Lumpur. In 1955, despite some sporadic fighting, the capital was beginning to relax after more than six years of tension and fear. As one observer said, in the spring of 1955 it ‘felt as if someone had given the whole city a pep pill’. Undoubtedly Douglas took advantage of some of the pleasures the capital now had to offer. He lived comfortably enough in a small bachelors’ ‘mess’. He and his mates had a servant, either a Malay or Chinese boy, an amah as they were called. There was also a male cook, and an Indian (Tamil) kebun would have looked after the garden.

When Douglas and his friends ate out they had an inter­esting cuisine from which to choose because so many of K.L.’s restaurants, shuttered during ‘the Emergency’, were now reopening. The Coliseum was famous for its out-sized curry puffs served in its mahogany-lined bar and its ‘sizzling’ steaks presented on a red-hot iron plate sitting on a wooden tray on which the steak was cooked in front of the diner draped in a large bib. The diner often washed down the spicier meals with stengahs, a potent Malayan drink and a favourite of the planters and other devotees of the Selangor Club, usually referred to as the ‘Spotted Dog’ because a formidable late-Victorian woman once hitched her pet Dalmatian to her carriage waiting outside.

In some ways the ‘Spotted Dog’ was the centre of European social life in K.L., with its cricket, football, tennis and hockey matches. There were dances and other social affairs. For the more formal occasions Douglas would wear his white ‘sharkskin’ evening jacket with black trousers. It is unlikely he played polo but he certainly frequented the racetrack in K.L. After a swim at nearby Port Dickson there would often be a dinner party, perhaps at the Akers-Joneses, good talk, tasty food and quiet conviviality with friends and colleagues like Robert Bruce who often shared with Douglas ‘long, delightful sessions over food and drink in which we examined the problems of the world’. These were the kind of evenings in K.L. that Douglas relished the most.

There was another side to Malaya that Douglas spoke about little at the time but which he sensed and responded to. It was the side that corresponded to the deep wells of his own Celtic background and also to his continuing search for a spiritual experience that would be real for him. The search for an authentic spirituality, sought with the Canons Regular and at Trinity, continued in Malaya. Douglas’s dissatisfaction with his own spiritual life, in a curious way was mirrored by what the writer, Ronald McKie, describes as the ‘vague uneasiness’ engendered by Malaya which makes:

you feel in this place, among Gods and spirits which have shaped Asia, that at any moment something will happen to you that has never happened before, that you will be influenced by forces over which you have no control. It is a feeling almost indefinable and so illogical that you know it could be true.

Something did happen to Douglas in Malaya that had never happened before and it profoundly influenced the rest of his life. For the first time he encountered an eastern form of spirituality, another way of prayer. More than twenty years later, in his first small book, Christian Meditation: the Gethsemani Talks, Douglas Main described this encounter: ‘I was first introduced to meditation long before I became a monk, when I was serving in the British Colonial Service in Malaya. My teacher was an Indian swami who had a temple just outside Kuala Lumpur.’

Initially, the teacher was more important than the teaching, for his teacher in Malaya was a remarkable man, Swami Satyananda, a slender, gentle figure clad in a white robe. He was born in the city of Ipoh in the northern federated state of Perak on 15 July 1909. He was 45 years old when Douglas Main, just 29, arrived in Malaya. Both the Swami’s parents died when he was a boy of about 10. He was brought up by relatives and educated in a Roman Catholic institution, St Michael’s School where, inspired by the teachings of Jesus and several saints, he considered becoming a Christian. In 1926, aged 17, he joined the Malayan Government Service where he remained until 1936. He then resigned to go to India to become a Hindu monk. He spent several years studying philosophy, comparative religions, Sanskrit, the techniques of Yoga and other eastern disciplines. When the Swami returned from India to Malaya in 1940, he became the principal of a school for boys and another for girls. Three years before, when he was 28, the Swami had begun to follow the intense meditation methods of Raja Yoga on a regular basis morning and evening. Later he came under the influence of several holy men including Swami Abhedananda, Sri Ramana Maharshi and Sri Aurobindo.


Swami Satyananda

In 1949 Swami Satyananda founded the ‘Pure Life Society’. This was an attempt to translate religious theory into a prac­tical spirituality. It would remain his life’s work. As one of the Swami’s collaborators put it, ‘ . . . this age lacks God-consciousness . . . the Swami’s basic desire was to . . . restore consciousness of the “Kingdom of God” among his fellow men.’ To further his purpose of making religion practical the Swami purchased a few acres of land along the edge of the secondary jungle on 6th Mile Puchong Road, just outside Kuala Lumpur. Here he eventually built an orphanage, a school and the Temple of the Universal Spirit on the site’s highest point. Adult education classes, a library, a dispensary and a printing press were added later. In 1954 the state government made Swami Satyananda a Justice of the Peace, an unusual honour for a member of a Hindu religious order, almost as unusual as a Benedictine monk being called to the Bar.

Swami Satyananda put great stress on diverse groups living together in harmony in one community. This harmony was realized by the Indian, Malayan and Chinese students who lived in the various institutions of the Pure Life Society. To develop this community life (open to those of any religious background) on a solid basis, the Pure Life Society held regular group meditation classes. Swami Satyananda himself was remarkably practical about meditation. He agrees that images in prayer might be necessary for the beginner, but mental images are only required in the first kindergarten stage. The Swami explains the nature of meditation this way:

Mental worship, together with repetition of the holy name and holy reading is the second stage. Silent contemplation and meditation on God is the third stage. The final stage is becoming one with the Supreme Spirit. . . . This medi­tation [on Peace] reaches the culmination of our spiritual venture. A serene and silent power is born in the soul of man in the depth of meditation. . . . Let us find this place of Peace—the island of spiritual fortifications in the cave of our heart. Let us be filled with the spirit of the Infinite even now.

This was Swami Satyananda: student, civil servant, monk, founder of a community, teacher of meditation, with an honorary law degree, but above all a happy, serene and integrated man. As John Main wrote in The Gethsemani Talks many years later:

… I was deeply impressed by his peacefulness and calm wisdom. . . . He asked me if I meditated. I told him I tried to and, at his bidding, described briefly what we have come to know as the Ignatian method of meditation. He was silent for a short time and then gently remarked that his own tradition of meditation was quite different. For the swami, the aim of meditation was the coming to awareness of the Spirit of the universe who dwells in our hearts. . . .

Then the Swami elaborated his teaching by reciting several verses from the Upanishads: ‘He contains all things, all works and desires and all perfumes and tastes. And he enfolds the whole universe and, in silence, is loving to all. This is the Spirit that is in my heart. This is Brahman.’ This reading, done with such intensity and devotion, so moved Douglas that he asked the Swami to teach him to meditate his way. The Swami agreed and suggested that he come out to the meditation centre once a week. On his first visit the Swami spoke to Douglas about meditation:

To meditate you must become silent. You must be still. And you must concentrate. In our tradition we know only one way in which you can arrive at that stillness, that concentration. We use a word that we call a mantra. To meditate, what you must do is to choose this word and then repeat it, faithfully, lovingly and continually. That is all there is to meditation. I really have nothing else to tell you. And now we will meditate.

So once a week for about eighteen months Douglas meditated with the Swami for half an hour. The Swami insisted it was necessary to meditate twice a day, morning and evening:

And during the time of your meditation there must be in your mind, no thoughts, no words, no imaginations. The sole sound will be the sound of your mantra, your word. The mantra is like a harmonic. And as we sound the harmonic within ourselves we begin to build up a reson­ance. That resonance then leads us forward to our own wholeness. . . . We begin to experience the deep unity we all possess in our own being. And then the harmonic begins to build up a resonance between you and all creatures and all creation and unity between you and your Creator.

This was the teaching, a way to an authentic interior life, to ‘the cave of the heart’ that Douglas Main had long been seeking, that he first learned from the Swami and incorpor­ated into his own teaching on Christian meditation. In later years Douglas often referred to the Swami, whose death in 1961 at the age of 51, was the result of a car accident. Swami Satyananda’s work of making religion practical and open to all still goes on and, indeed, has expanded in Kuala Lumpur through the efforts of his friends and associates in the Pure Life Society. For his part, Douglas Main never forgot the friendship and openness of this remarkable Hindu monk who accepted him as a Christian disciple and taught him to medi­tate. From this experience there emerged Douglas Main’s openness to Eastern religions and to teaching meditation to ‘all those who come to pray with us’.

Few, if any, of his colleagues in Malaya knew of his association with the Swami. Meanwhile, he continued his studies in the language school. But he was becoming increasingly disillusioned with the manner of the British transition and the Malayan society he saw emerging. He spoke about this later to his friend, Robert Farrell:

He felt badly about Malaya because he said: ‘The British had no constructive policy about anything at all, except to hang onto everything as long as possible.’ These were his exact words, as best I can remember them. He wasn’t bitter because he was going to lose his job. … I think he was just generally annoyed because he felt he was taking part in a sham.

Whatever his feelings about British policies in Malaya, the reason Douglas asked to retire from the Oversea Service (on 30 April 1956), was not because he lacked ability. His superior in Malaya, A. W. D. James, later wrote: ‘It was with great regret that I learned of his decision to leave the service. . . . Mr Main had the breadth of mind and depth of insight which are the mark of the best administrator.’ And the Director of the Language School, Robert Bruce, described him this way:

He was exceptional. In that large body he had the gentle­ness of a child. His intelligence was keen, quick and vibrant. He delighted in ideas and readily engaged in argument on the ills of the world. He was not a good student of the Chinese dialect he was assigned to study (Hokkien, I think). I thought he was out of place in the milieu of a brash society—both European and Asian—which was lively but crude compared to the intellectual and spiritual realm which was later to be the home of Douglas Main. He had a good sense of humour and a generous heart.

A part of Douglas Main’s ‘generous heart’ never forgot Malaya, especially the people of Malaya who ‘found love in a flower, beauty in a reed’.

The visit of H.H. The Dalai Lama to the Vendôme Priory in 1980. From left to right: Laurence Freeman, Dalai Lama, John Main.

Later on, East meets West again with the visit of H.H. The Dalai Lama to the newly-established Vendôme Priory, Montreal, in 1980. From left to right: Laurence Freeman, Dalai Lama, John Main.

John Main: the first English monk since reformation called to the bar.

March 1, 2015

To commemorate the forthcoming new edition of In The Stillness Dancing – the life of Father John Main here is chapter 6. This is a description of the interim period in Douglas (John) Main’s life after being called to the bar, after his return from Malaya to a new career teaching law, and before the future where his ideas would lead to his founding of a new monastery in the New World.

After being called the bar, John Main put his law career on hold and spent a year in Malaya. After this (described in Chapter 5) he returned by boat Malaya to Ireland in the summer of 1956, Douglas consulted with some of his former professors and colleagues at Trinity. They needed another lawyer on the staff and Douglas was urged to apply. He did so and won the position in open competition. During the next four years he taught Administrative, Roman and International Law. He especially admired the order, rationality and precision of Roman law. Generally Douglas was popular with his colleagues and his students. Professor Edward Stuart from the Chemistry Department thought Douglas ‘that rare sort of individual with absolute integrity and probity’. A few students found him too cerebral, too Jesuitical and too ready to argue about the number of angels on the head of a pin. As one of his students, Michael Dixon, put it: ‘Trinity was neither Catholic nor intellectual—Douglas Main was both’.

John Main was called to the bar: the first English monk so honoured since the Reformation.

John Main was called to the bar:, the first English monk so honoured since the Reformation.

Some knew him at the Laurentian Society, a social club and meeting place for Catholic students. Mary Lodge, a student, remembers Douglas as a gently impressive man, very approachable. He was deeply religious and he radiated a quality of goodness. I trusted him. There was peace and tranquillity in him and a sense of presence. I wonder if some of his friends and colleagues really appreciated the subtleties of spirituality evident in him even during the Trinity years. You don’t forget a man like Douglas Main.

Thirty years later Mary Lodge Jennings had not forgotten him. Nor had others at Trinity. Dermod D. Owen-Flood remembers:

I would describe him as one of the finest, if not the finest legal mind I have ever met. He had studied Thomistic law in Rome, as I recall. I think this gave him a tremendous edge on his legal studies. He was very definitely cut out for the law. Apart from being academically first class, his ability was leavened with great common sense, fairness and social responsibility. I think, had he stayed in the law, he would have gone to the very top. He would have been a superb barrister and an even better judge. I believe that as a lawyer he would have been able to do a tremendous amount of good for the law and for the community as a whole.

One of Douglas’s colleagues on the law faculty, Professor Frank Dowrick, also remembers his flair for the law: ‘He could cope with a heavy work load. And that’s what we gave him. Had he remained with the law, Douglas would have added to Irish legal scholarship. He would have become a national authority on the laws of Ireland.’

Naturally Douglas Main did more than teach law at Trinity. He lived on the campus in a lovely set of Georgian rooms, where his sister, Yvonne, acted as his hostess for small gatherings, often including students from Malaya. Douglas was on Trinity’s wine committee but normally the inimitable ‘Slattery’ (the college’s ‘family’ butler) would pour the appropriate wines. Later when wine was served Douglas would remark, ‘Give it the Slattery twist!’ He enjoyed a drink with old friends. Many years later he would write about the pain of ‘partings’ from friends he loved. On the other hand, he was always happy to meet unexpectedly a companion from the old days. Robert Farrell describes a delightful encounter with Douglas years after they were students together at Trinity:

Years later when he was a lecturer in Trinity, I met him one day on college green. He had a couple of brown paper parcels under his arm, and motioned me to come up to his chambers. He unwrapped his parcels and displayed a bottle of hock and a record of harp music.

We sat with glasses in hand listening to the music. When the last sad notes had died away we talked about some of the people we’d known and the coincidence of our meeting.

He smiled. ‘It was the hand of God’, he said, and held out his hand. . . .

Although he enjoyed old friends, good dining, first-class Irish theatre (he once took a group of relatives from England to see The Playboy of the Western World), and the occasional dance, Douglas invariably began his day at Trinity by attending morning Mass. He does not seem to have talked much about his experience of meditation in Malaya. But according to his own recollections of this period, he continued to meditate:

On my return to Europe to teach Law at Trinity College, Dublin, years before the advent of the Beatles and the discovery of T.M., I found no one who really knew about meditation as I now understand it. I first tried to raise the subject with priest friends but to my surprise my enquiries were mostly received with great suspicion and sometimes even hostility.

As far as I could gather from my conversation these good men practised very faithfully a Jesuit-type of meditation and the best amongst them prepared for their morning mental prayer by systematically going through a list of points for the morning. To me it seemed esoteric and somewhat complicated. . . .

But for me personally there was all the joy and excite­ment of the pilgrimage of my morning and evening medi­tation. All the time there was a growing attraction to medi­tation and the morning and evening times became the real axis on which my day was built.

Douglas was also involved in an effort to make the Catholic presence at Trinity more acceptable, especially to the Catholic authorities. Along with others, he helped write and signed a letter to the Irish Times deprecating the ecclesiastical ban on Catholics attending ‘the Protestant University of Trinity College’. On another project, the attempt to start a new Roman Catholic newspaper in Dublin, he worked with an influential group of business and literary people including his friend, Garret Fitzgerald — then an economic journalist and later the Taoiseach (Prime Minister). Douglas emerged as a leading member of the group. When he realized financial and personality difficulties were too serious, he advised the Archbishop, John Charles McQuaide, to withdraw his support. The Archbishop accepted his advice and the paper never began.

In addition to these activities and his lectures in law, Douglas frequently travelled to London ‘to eat his dinners’, preparatory to his being called to the Bar at Gray’s Inn, a step that would further his academic career at Trinity. While in London he often stayed with his friend and former Trinity class-mate, John Boland, in his Chelsea flat. Boland, who later became the Public Trustee for England, has almost as many stories involving Douglas as there were visits to his flat.

One of these concerned a wedding to which Douglas had been invited. It was a formal morning wedding followed by a reception, champagne and tidbits. For some reason Douglas and one of his aunts missed out on the food. Famished, they repaired to Derry and Thoms, a fashionable store in Kensington High Street. Douglas was wearing a morning suit in full fig, swallow-tailed coat and striped pants. After being seated in the restaurant, they realized they had forgotten a newly purchased book two floors below. Undaunted, Douglas sailed across the restaurant, his swallow-tailed coat billowing behind him. Just as he reached the lift to return, book in hand, a harried looking woman with two children, thinking he was the floor manager, asked, ‘Do you sell children’s shoes?’ To the astonishment of everyone in earshot, Douglas smoothly replied: ‘Yes madam, we do. But they’re not very good.’ As the doors of the lift closed he suggested, ‘If I were you I should go elsewhere!’

Naturally, while in London ‘to eat his dinners’, Douglas saw other friends including Diana Ernaelsteen to whom he had written while in Malaya and from Dublin. By this time, 1957, Diana was 22 (nine years younger than Douglas), had successfully completed several years of her medical studies and was engaged to a young man from Welwyn Garden City, Geoffrey Searle. Still, she and Douglas shared at least two interests, a penchant for long walks (fortunately Diana was tall, almost as tall as Douglas, and lithe) and a desire to make this world a better place in which to live.

John's childhood friend Diana Ernaelsteen in 1958 aged 23

John’s childhood friend Diana Ernaelsteen in 1958 aged 23

So the law professor and the doctor-in-residence would walk half way round London discussing everything from the Roman Catholic Church’s teaching on birth control (although she was from a Catholic background, Douglas took a stricter position on contraception than Diana did) to James Joyce and Ulysses (Diana thought Graham Greene’s The Power and the Glory a lot easier to read). One of their frequent conversations was on the nature of socialism: how did socialism relate to a better world? On a walk to Golders Green Hippodrome to see Stravinsky’s ballet ‘The Firebird’, Douglas raised the question of a community of people living together as one possible form of a more loving kind of society. Diana wondered how she would fit into that scheme.

In London, in the late April of 1957, the sun was shining brightly and daffodils sprinkled the parks. Douglas had invited Diana to luncheon at the restaurant, L’Écu de France and was waiting for her there with two of his close friends from Malaya, David and Jane Akers-Jones (with whom he had often spoken in Kuala Lumpur about Diana, whom he affectionately called his ‘Dutch Vet’). Two Buddhist monks, also friends of Douglas’s completed the luncheon party. Diana had to leave early to return to her medical courses. Douglas was a little dismayed. She agreed to meet him the next day.

This luncheon at L’Ecu de France began the most intense emotional period in the relationship between Douglas and Diana. They had now known each other since the early days of the war. They met the next day and Douglas remarked casually that one of his friends thought they should marry. Without making any commitment, Diana replied the sugges­tion was not such a bad idea. During the next few days, while Diana skipped classes, Douglas met her at the hospital and they visited the places they enjoyed, such as the Tate Gallery. They talked about furnishing a home together and Diana pointed to a picture for their dining room. They started walking in the sunshine from Pimlico to King’s Cross scarcely noting the distance. Along their route Douglas noticed the little French Church off Leicester Square. He suggested to Diana they go in to give thanks for the happiness they were sharing. They knelt together in the fresh spring light. Suddenly, without any warning, Diana experienced the over­whelming feeling that their relationship was doomed. Perhaps Douglas shared the feeling. Neither spoke of it to the other. They left the soft light of the silent church and hurried down the steps into the bustle and sunshine of Leicester Square. Douglas had to return to his lectures at Trinity, Diana to her medical studies. They parted at King’s Cross Station. It was a difficult parting. There was so much left unsaid, so much longing.

For a short time the feelings of ‘doom’ were suppressed and events moved swiftly. Diana told her parents she was in love with Douglas. She broke her engagement to the young man in Welwyn Garden City. In Dublin, Douglas told his mother, Eileen, then the rest of his family, that he was engaged to Diana and hoped to marry her. Most of Douglas’s family did not take the news of his engagement seriously. Most of Diana’s family did. They tried to influence her to break off with Douglas: he would want a large family like his own parents; what would that do to her medical career? how would she manage financially? was she not being unfair to her former fiance? Douglas had only loved her for a short time. He would get over her quickly. He could manage without her. Diana was susceptible to this family bombardment, especially the view that Douglas could get on without her: ‘this last was true and I knew it. I believed he could get over it and that he would find happiness with a nice Catholic girl. I believed I could get over it too, like the books say. But you don’t and we didn’t.’

Meanwhile, in Dublin, Douglas was writing regularly to Diana. He told her that she would ‘adore’ Dublin and she could finish her medical studies there. (Diana was not so certain. A medical colleague of hers had a difficult time switching from London to Dublin). Douglas also reiterated his position that only natural birth control was compatible with a Catholic marriage. This was a discussion that Diana and Douglas had gone over many times. It was the traditional Catholic position on birth control but it was a position that Diana found increasingly untenable, partly influenced by her parents, who favoured small families (Diana was an only child). But quite apart from the moral issue, the practical problem of starting a medical practice and a family at the same time was not an easy one to resolve.

It is possible these problems and others, such as the attitude of both families, could have been worked out, even though Douglas remained in Dublin and Diana did not even have his telephone number. He exacerbated the difficulties when he suggested they write each other less frequently because their work would suffer. But there was another problem at a deeper level that Diana had sensed in the French Church off Leicester Square and that Douglas had wrestled with for a longer time. How does human love—strong and pure as this love was—withstand divine love? This was the problem, grasped by Diana as well as Douglas, that underlay all the others.

For several weeks Diana (trying to study medicine in London) and Douglas (attempting to teach law in Dublin) struggled with an anguish that was splitting their hearts. But the struggle could not last. In the end it was Diana’s father, Harry, whom she loved dearly, who urged his ‘darling daughter’ to make a quick and firm decision about her life:

It seems so strange for all this upset when we should be the happiest of folks, yet I suppose it seems a difficult task for you to choose your life’s partner. Unfortunately, Diana, we cannot get everything and no one is perfect.

Your dear Mummy and I only wish you every happiness and whatever your choice we have no say in the matter except if you consult us.

There is nothing against Douglas and although you may have committed yourself one way or the other, for God’s sake, darling, make up your mind once and for all.

A few days later Diana wrote to Douglas she had made her decision. She had become re-engaged. Douglas then wrote a note to Diana’s mother, Ivy:

I have heard today from Diana that she is re-engaged . . . so I trust that she has now resolved the difficulty in which I placed her.

You and Harry must have been very concerned that Diana had so worrying a decision to make and I must tell you that I am very sorry that I was the occasion of your worry on her behalf. For a few rather delirious days I thought that there was some chance that I might make Diana a good husband. But she has decided otherwise, and I am sure you will understand me when I say that her happiness is my greatest concern.

This note that assumes so much and says so little was like Douglas himself, proper, private, guarded. Except for the words ‘a few rather delirious days’ of happiness when he thought his future might have been shared with the woman he loved, there is scarcely a hint in this rather formal note of the struggle that had engaged Douglas and Diana too. A few months later Diana was married in the French Church off Leicester Square where she first realized that Douglas belonged to God. In some sense it was her final good-bye. Both Diana and Douglas had shared the searing experience of a human love subsumed into the divine.

A few months after Diana’s marriage, another event occurred that changed the course of Douglas Main’s life. His 11-year-old nephew, David, the only son of his widowed sister, Yvonne, died suddenly from an inoperable brain tumour. Douglas was close to David as, indeed, he was to the many children of his own family and their friends, David died on 8 September 1958, the morning he was to start back to school. Douglas went to David’s school with his mother Yvonne to explain to David’s class-mates that he would not be joining them. Douglas then helped his sister make all the arrange­ments for David’s funeral.

The boy’s death affected him profoundly. Later he wrote:

The death of this child had an enormous effect on me and brought me face to face with the questions of life and death and the whole purpose of existence. As I reviewed my life at this time I was forcibly struck by the fact that the most important thing in my entire existence was my daily meditation. I decided, therefore, to structure my life on my meditation and sought to do so by becoming a monk.

So in the space of a few months, much to the surprise and disappointment of his colleagues in Dublin, Douglas resigned from a promising law career at Trinity College and was accepted, for September 1959, into the Order of St Benedict at Ealing Abbey in London. In one sense the search was over; but the pilgrimage had just begun.

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